Monday, August 31, 2009

765...Why So Hard On Elizabeth May?

I really enjoy it when you take time to comment and I especially enjoy it when you take time to sign your name to said comment. This is what the great Scott Tribe asked me in a comment attached to Post 760:

I'm kind of amused you're going after Elizabeth May so hard.
She's not the leader of the Conservatives.. or of the NDP,
nor does she have a seat. Why do you hold such an antipathy towards her?

As a Liberal who is environmetally [sic] conscious, despite
the Green Shift's failure, I don't mind having her as an ally.

I go after her for the same reason that fighter pilots liked to shoot up weather balloons and Zeppelins. It is easy.

I too am a Liberal, big time Liberal but frankly I don't find the Green Party very progressive; they are truly neo-cons/fascists. Read their national platform; it is very Lennonist, as in John "Everybody Is Wrong But Me" Lennon.


764...Radio Tomorrow

93.1 CKCU, me, you and the beautiful Candace Hanna at six in the morning.

Tomorrow coming out of Capital Pride I will be talking to David MacDonald who is a man who used to dig men and then discovered the, his words, error of his ways and is now on the straight and narrow so to speak.

I am so looking forward to waking up with you tomorrow, 93.1.


763...I Made An Error

Unforced error.

In Post 746 I pointed out that the saving grace of Jacques Demers becoming a Senator is that it will take him off the Habs broadcasts on RDS.

According to yesterday's Ottawa Sun I was wrong. His bosses are willing to work around his arduous schedule as a Senator or, more likely, his job as a Senator is going to take a back seat to commentating on hockey games.


Sunday, August 30, 2009

762...Here Is An Issue For Elizabeth May

An issue that the potential candidate for MP in Saanich-Gulf Islands could build her campaign around.

CHEK TV, which has been on air in Victoria since before I was born [and that is a long, long, longgggggg time ago] is signing off the air Monday. Matthew Pearson writes on Page 3 of today's Victoria Times Colonist that Canwest Global Communications has decided to not sell the station to the staff and are instead surrending the license on Monday.

First off the price is a paltry five million dollars.

Secondly, how the f'k can you not make money with an over the air TV station in a market of over 350,000 people?

Spokane, Washington, a market a bit bigger than Victoria, about half a million, has five commercial stations and none of them are crying the blues.

Now that I have asked the question I will answer it.

There are multiple reasons why CHEK and the other Canwest Global Communications station closing, the one in Red Deer, Alberta, are going down in flames. Big reason is that they are greedy. Becasue there are no other local stations, unlike, say, Spokane, and no local competition the A Channels get lazy, hire crappy, ugly, boring and dumb reporters to do their news, which is the profit centre on American afflilates and just generally suck.

Competition is the key, not government grants, comp-e-f'ing-tition.

Again, it is virtually impossible to lose money running a TV station unless you try.

Obviously no one has tried harder than Canwest Global Communications.

Elizabeth May, whatcha gotta say, Elizabeth May?

761...Capital Pride Was A Blast/Thank You

For showing restraint and not mobbing me as I marched with my MPP Yasir Naqvi and others in the Gay Pride Parade.

Being World Famous can be embarassing.

Delusion on the other hand is a blast.


Saturday, August 29, 2009

760...Elizabeth May Has A Back Up Plan

In an unbylined and stale story from today's Moncton Times and Transcript, Elizabeth May, who is soon to be the former leader of the Green Party reveals her back up plan: she is going to be an Anglican minister.

She is quoted as saying "When I finish being prime minister, I'm going to be ordained." Deluded much?

Lord Jesus, Mary and Joesph help us.


759...Only In Utah You Say? Pity

The Deseret News has a weird story from Utah.

The Utah Highway Patrol and some local bars hope letting people practice an uncomfortable call from the local lockup will help dissuade drinking and driving.

A phone number has been set up to recreate what it would feel like to make such a call. After dialing 1-877-JAIL-FON, the caller is given the option to talk to a hysterical mother or a disapproving father, among others. A prerecorded message then plays one end of what the conversation might sound like, with the caller filling in the other half.

Slogans associated with the campaign include "Getting a DUI is easy, calling your mom from jail is hard."

Seriously, wouldn't you have like to have been at the meeting with the brainiacs that came up with that gem of an ad campaign? OMG.


758...But Officer The Horse Was Completely Sober


It is just a wonderful land, warm, friendly and, probably because ethnically it is pretty much dominated by my people, the Irish, Oz is full of those who like to have a bit of alcohol induced fun.

ABC News, that's the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, Company, Commission, whatever, reports that an unnamed Tennant Creek man has had his driving license pulled for six months because he drove drunk. He drove his horse drunk. The man had been told by police not to ride his horse home from a Tennant Creek pub in April coz he was too hammered. He had earlier tried to enter the pub with said horse which alerted the police to the situation.

Tennant Creek is in the middle of the Northern Territory making it about as middle of nowhere as one can get on this planet and still get beer on tap.


757...The Battle Of The Ministers

Le Droit this morning runs a story that there is a heavyweight battle to take place in Marlene Catterall's old riding of Ottawa West Nepean in the upcoming federal election.

The sitting Member is John Baird, Minister of Transport, Infrastructure and Communities and he will be challenged yet again by David Pratt, former Minister of Defense under Prime Minister Paul Martin.

Honourable Conservative John Baird versus Honourable Liberal David Pratt.

Mr. Baird beat Mr. Pratt in 2008 by about 5,000 votes.

That was then.

This is now.


Friday, August 28, 2009

756...With Pride, The Un Gay Kind, I Announce That

I have got congrats re Post 755:

Friday, August 28, 2009

755...Elizabeth May Doesn't Read My Blog

Anonymous said...

No you didn't call her baby this time I see. But you still missed the point. Congrats.

I would thank Anonymous personally but I don't know who she is.

Still, many thanks to you, you made my day!!!

I know who she isn't; she isn't Elizabeth May because Elizabeth May doesn't read my blog.

Perhaps next time you could, as the kids say, man-up and sign your name?


755...Elizabeth May Doesn't Read My Blog

Which makes me sad.

Well, no, actually it doesn't make me sad because, apparently, the leader of the Green Party, the woman who will be the next Prime Minister of Canada if enough Canadians go insane and vote for her and the Green Party, not only doesn't read The World Famous Dan Shields, she also doesn't read the Victoria Times-Colonist, the paper of record in the riding she is going to conquer, Saanich-Gulf Islands, the Globe and Mail, Le Devoir, the Ottawa Citizen, the various Suns, the Washington Post, watch CBC Newsworld, listen to 680 News or have someone to do it for her.

She is not in the loop. Nor are her people. Loopy but loop free is she.

How do I know this?

Because she was interviewed live last hour on 580CFRA in Ottawa by Rob Snow and found out for the first time, hours after little old insignificant me found out even, that the Premier of one of our esteemed provinces, Manitoba, Gary Doer, had resigned yesterday and was the new ambassador to the U. S. of A., a country whose border she is perched on today, what with her being in Niagara-On-The-Lake doing whatever it is when she is not fixing the planet.

In all seriousness darling [see, I didn't call her baby] you would think that you would try to be as current as me; being current is merely a hobby/obsession for me, for you, Madame Leader who has deluded herself into thinking she will be a Member of Parliament, it is a job requirement.

Seriously, pay attention, darling [see, I didn't call her baby this time either], pay attention.


754...Play Hooky From Work Today?

Drop by Ashbury High School at 1 o'clock this afternoon to see the University of Ottawa women's baksetball team play the America East champion University of Vermont Catamounts.


753...Cut And Paste To Warm Russel Barth's Heart

Going their own way; While the U. S. turns a blind eye,
its 'partner' states are quietly decriminalizing illicit drugs
National Post
Fri Aug 28 2009
Page: A12
Section: Editorial
Byline: Cobly [sic] Cosh
Column: Cobly [sic] Cosh
Source: National Post

Say, are we still having that debate over whether
the United States constitutes an empire?
I remember the idea seeming controversial a few years back.
In 2009, the whole idea of disagreeing with it seems quaint.
But maybe things will look different in a few more years.
Empires do not rise and fall monotonically; they expand and contract,
relax and relent. In an extraordinary turn of events,
Caesar has temporarily turned a blind eye to the policing of morals in the provinces, allowing startling drug reforms in two major "partner" states.

Late last week, the Mexican government,
trying explicitly not to call too much attention to what it was doing,
decriminalized the possession of very small amounts of illicit drugs.
Not just marijuana, which is subject to a possession limit of five grams,
but the whole kaboodle: cocaine, methamphetamine, LSD, even heroin.
In general the U. S. media treated this as a counter-intuitive move
made in the midst of a full-scale war between drug cartels
and the Mexican state.
But it is precisely the bloodiness of that war that has
Mexico moving away from ideological prohibitionism.

The idea is to cut into demand by treating addicts as
potential treatment clients rather than criminals, to fight corruption among the police by taking away one of their major tools for shaking down the poor and marginalized, and to concentrate resources on organized crime. This is, of course, a form of centralized social planning just as much as total prohibition is. Even a borderline-anarchist libertarian (like me) might well question whether it will accomplish the criteria of social peace and harm reduction by which it will be judged; Cato Institute fellow and Harvard economist Jeffrey Miron, for one, worries that decriminalization will get the blame if intensified supply-side enforcement leads to more violence.

But the Portuguese model on which the Mexican reform is based,
which saw the adoption of Europe's most liberal drug laws in 2001,
has been successful in all the ways that most of us would consider
important, particularly in reducing the spread of HIV and
exposure to drugs amongst teenagers.
One feels that what's needed above all else right now,
when it comes to drugs, is a little openness and sincerity.
The single worst effect of criminalizing drug possession is to
make it harder for everyone to talk about drugs.
It has created a world
although things have changed a lot in the last 20 years)
where most everyone has taken a bong hit at one time or another,
but no one wants to admit it,
whether it's to their kids or to co-workers or in the newspaper.

And that, in turn, has made it harder to make the core argument
that it is none of the state's business what you put in your body.
[Doing so inevitably comes off as sounding like a coded apology for
past indiscretions.) But in some places it is being made anyway.
On Tuesday the Supreme Court of Argentina reversed the
conviction of a 19-year-old caught with two grams of pot
and decriminalized the possession of drugs for personal consumption.
The Kirchner government anticipated the ruling and says
it is content to abide by it;
meanwhile, other Latin states, including Brazil,
are talking about following suit. Crucial
to the logic of the court's decision was an
article in the Argentine constitution that states,
"The private actions of men which in no way offend
public order or morality, nor injure a third party,
are only reserved to God and are exempted from the authority of judges."

It's a sentiment one might have expected to hear
coming from the U. S. A., at one time.
President Obama has been a disappointment to
the harm-reduction crowd when it comes to domestic
drug reform, but the rapid pace of change in the
Latin world shows that the State Department is no
longer imposing its will there. Whether it's because
Washington has more urgent priorities like saving the
American economy from reverting to the Stone Age, or
just because the Bush administration's cadre of drug
warriors is gone, American satellites seem to find themselves
free to go their own way, perhaps only for a brief moment.

Canadians who have argued that the adoption of
a harm-reduction approach here would jeopardize
our trade relationship with the United States
can therefore pipe down for the foreseeable future.
Unfortunately, we greet the occasion with a
law-and-order he-man Conservative government
in place -- one which, whatever its virtues when it comes
to crimes that have victims,
is full of people like Peter van Loan,
Rob Nicholson and Tony Clement,
and plenty of others who are
about as likely to give birth to a muskox
on the steps of Parliament as they are to
support rational drug policy. From that standpoint, our timing sorta stinks.

752...The King Of Patronage

The new King that is.

The old one was fellow Tory Brian Mulroney; the new King is Stephen Harper.

As noted on Ujjal Dosanjh, Liberal Member of Parliament's Twitter:

"Harper officially the Senate Patronage King. Unequalled [sic] 27 appointments in single year."

The King is dead; long live the King.


751...I Told You It Was The Weather In Post 747

That was the post about Gary Doer resigning as Premier of Manitoba. In Post 746 I said that he dug the job just was sick of winter in Winnipeg.

His new job is also in a northern town but in a town that is the most northernmost city in the American South. He is the new ambassador to the United States capital of which is Washington, D.C. where the average winter temperature is pretty warm for a Canadian boy.

Our beloved Prime Minister Stephen Harper named him to the job, which includes a house, a car and no shovelling, less than a day after Mr. Doer hastily resigned his position as Premier.

You know what I think? I think that the PM offered Mr. Doer the job two days ago and told him he needed to be on page now. And that is what you think too.


Thursday, August 27, 2009

750...Michael Vick Debuts As An Eagle Ce Soir

Little NFL exhibition football, Iggles versus the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Game time is 7 and you know it is going to be all over the tube.

First game for the much maligned Mr. Vick in about two years.


749...Wrap Yourself In The Red And White Now

At 4 eastern The Score will have the Canada/Mexico game.



Be there or don't.


748...The National Capital Is Now A Big Time City

Heard on CFRA yesterday that the capital of the GWN, Ottawa, is going to get a 24 hour bus!!!

The 95 will run 24/7/365 from one end, Orleans, to the other end, Kanata, all day and all of the night.

Bytown has finally made it to the show!


747...Gary Doer Resigns

No doubt tired of the long Winnipeg winters, Gary Doer, the NDP Premier of all Manitobans since 1999, announced in a hastily called press conference today that he is resigning.

The Winnipeg Free Press reports that he won't run in the next provincial election in October 2011.

Lotsa notice there, Gar'.


746...I Want In The Senate

Why not?

I am qualified.

As in I have no qualifications.

Case in point: Jacques Demers. TVA reports that Mr. Demers, former Stanley Cup winning coach for the Montreal Canadiens, has been appointed to the Cash For Life position of Senator.

On the plus side, this will get him off the Montreal Canadiens broadcasts and that has to be a good thing.


745...The Very Important Persons Act Invoked

This time in Buffalo, New York where WGR 550 SportsRadio reports, and I quote:

Patrick Kane has reached a plea deal in response to his arrest after an incident with a local cab driver on Aug. 9.

Kane will plead guilty to one count of disorderly conduct and submit a written apology to driver Jan Radecki. The charge is no longer a misdemeanor, but a violation. He'll have a conditional discharge, and his record will be clean after a year of good behavior. Kane also has to pay $125 in court fees.

That will teach Chicago Black Hawks star Mr. Kane a thing or two. Like don't just beat the elderly cab driver up for your .20 cents [that was what this was about; Mr. Radecki didn't have .20 cents change for Mr. Kane who apparently is not, Mr. Kane is not, disposed to tip] beat him up and scare him. The Calder Trophy winner has learned his lesson for true.


744...Things To Do In Ottawa When You Are Alive

Two exciting things happening tonight in the town that fun forgot.

First off, Bedouin Soundclash, a Kingston, Ontario band formed in the early part of the century, are playing for free, free, free at SuperEx. They are a big, big, big deal, just coming off a tour with No Doubt and everything.

Secondly, Carleton University's women's basketball team are playing the first of two games against schools from America. Tonight for next to free, free, free they are playing the 2009 America East champions from the University of Vermont, which features America East Player of the Year Courtnay Pilypaitis from St. Peter's in Gloucester, Ottawa, Ontario. Miss Pilypaitis, who is only going into her junior year with the Catamounts, is on track to be the greatest player in the history of Vermont basketball.

Be still my heart.


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

743...Bonus Radio Time For WFDS

Tomorrow morning on 93.1CKCU, moi avec Emily O from 7 to 8.

We be joined by David Yazbeck, CKCU personality, late in the hour to talk about, among other things, my love for Wal-Mart.

And I would like to hope that Taffe Charles will drop by to chat about the women's basketball team who will be playing tomorrow night and Friday night against Vermont and Farleigh Dickinson at Carleton plus, good Lord willing, Doug Hempstead from Super Ex on the telephone.

Plus, he has been invited, tic, the Barnstorm 10 master, has been invited on to promote his event.


742...Another Dead Dude

Dominick Dunne died today at the age of 83.

Reuters eulogized him in this manner:

A former Hollywood producer who turned to writing after years of battling drug and alcohol abuse, Dunne wrote five best-selling novels that centered on scandal and crime in high society.

But he gained an extra measure of fame while chronicling a series of sensational court cases that transfixed Americans during the 1980s and 1990s.

Personally I cannot think of Mr. Dunne without thinking of the fate that befell his daughter, Dominique Dunne, who was best known for her part in the film Poltergeist and was strangled in November 1982 by her boyfriend John Sweeney who served 4.5 years for his malfeasance. Mr. Dunne subsequently wrote the article "Justice: A Father's Account of the Trial of his Daughter's Killer" starting his long affiliation with Vanity Fair.


741...Records Are Made To Be Broken

The Associated Press has a mind boggling story out of Espanola. Not Espanola, Ontario but Espanola, New Mexico where an unnamed man was just hit with his 22nd DWI/DUI charge.

This time homeboy blew a nasty .393. The limit is .08.

Beauty, eh?

He is expected to sober up for the Super Bowl.


740...Cut And Paste From Victoria Re Liz May

Here is what the paper of record in her potential new hometown has to say about Miss May's chances. Here is what I have to say about Miss May's chances: none, zero, nada. And she knows it. She is a headline seeking train wreck of a a politician who is going to get beaten like a rented f'ing mule.

May faces challenge in Island riding
Times Colonist (Victoria)
Wed Aug 26 2009
Page: A6
Section: Capital & Van. Isl.
Byline: Katie DeRosa
Source: Times Colonist

If federal Green party leader Elizabeth May chooses to run in
Saanich-Gulf Islands,
she'll have a challenger for the nomination.

Stuart Hertzog, a 63-year-old environmental writer and
publisher who
describes himself as a "deep green" activist,
announced on his website
last week that he intends to contest the nomination in that

Hertzog said the Green party has become too centralized
around the leader and has alienated its membership base in
quest for power. "The grassroots of the party has basically
been ignored," he said.

May, 55, who has served as federal Green leader since 2006,
welcomed another Green
candidate in the riding.

"As a party that is really quite proud of the
fact that we are grassroots,
there's probably no better proof of it
[than the fact Hertzog is running],"
May said in an interview from Vancouver.
"It may prove the opposite of what he is alleging."

Hertzog has yet to be approved by the
party as a candidate for the nomination.

The successful Green party candidate
will run against incumbent
MP Gary Lunn, who serves as minister
of state for sport and
has had a firm hold on the seat, winning
five victories since 1997.

Hertzog has been involved with the Green party since
1984 and has run unsuccessfully as a provincial
candidate three times.

In 1996, he ran for the B.C. Green party in
the northern B.C. riding
of Bulkley Valley-Stikine. It was that unsuccessful
bid that convinced
Hertzog that so-called parachute candidates --
who run in ridings they don't live in
-- don't work.

Hertzog said the fact May is considering
herself into a West Coast riding despite her East
Coast roots shows
the party cares about the leader more than
the voters. If May does run
in Saanich-Gulf Islands, she plans to relocate
from her hometown on Cape Breton, N.S.

"It's presumptuous to dump oneself in a place
and say, 'OK I've got it,' "
said Hertzog, who lived in Sidney and on
Saltspring Island before moving
to Victoria.

The federal Green party is fighting to
have at least one MP elected.
In the 2008 election, May ran in her
home riding of Central Nova,
where she was defeated by cabinet
minister Peter MacKay,
whose family has deep roots in the area.

May said the public has come to
expect national
party leaders to have a seat in the
House of
Commons to best represent voters.

She said if she does run in
Saanich-Gulf Islands --
she expects to make a decision in
early September --she will buy a
house in Sidney and familiarize
herself with the local issues.

May has speculated previously
that a non-confidence
motion in the federal government could come as
early as September, forcing a
fall election.

Here is what I have to say about Miss May's chances: none, zero, nada. And she knows it.

She is a headline seeking train wreck of a a politician who is going to get beaten like a rented f'ing mule.


739...Pride Week Continues

Don't forget the parade this Sunday, rolling by Parliament Hill.

Look for me in the rainbow sombrero marching with our great MPP Yasir Naqvi, fellow CKCUer Emily O and other positive members of our community.

Clay Aiken was not available for comment.


738...End Of An Era

All sources around the world are reporting that Senator Edward Kennedy, the last of a troika of brothers who served at the highest level of government in the United States, passed away yesterday at the age of 77.


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

737...On Reflection

I think Elizabeth May was a Kamikaze pilot in a previous life.


736...CKCU Tomorrow Morning

Me and Emily O and tic and you and on the phone Doug from Super Ex.

Six in the morning.



735...Elizabeth May Decides On A Riding

Influenced by the weather no doubt, Green Party leader Elizabeth May has decided to focus on Saanich-Gulf Islands, on the southern tip of Vancouver Island, as the place to plant her flag in the next election.

Andrew Potter in today's Ottawa Citizen senses a disconnect in the Green Party and his evidence of that is the actions of Stuart Hertzog, a man who has been in the party for over a quarter century, who is challenging Miss May for the nomination. He says that the party is becoming more undemocratic as the days progress. Mr. Potter makes the point that the Green Party is more effective in its present configuration as a super lobby group of sorts as opposed to being just another budgetary party.

The Green Party leader has the choice of picking any riding in the country and yet chooses this one. One of the things that I find odd about her choice of Saanich-Gulf Islands is the fact that the Green Party finished third with only 10.5 per cent of the vote last time out. After getting creamed at the polls by Peter McKay in Central Nova last time out one would think that she would want to have the most favourable conditions extant this time.

Or perhaps she really doesn't want to win? Which I find difficult to believe considering, among other things, she lives in Ottawa so being an MP would be a short bus ride, the 7, one bus all the way, to the office.

Still, a curious choice on many levels. One would think that her people would try to find her a seat where she could win the nomination without a struggle and then have a good shot at winning. Yet another thing that makes Saanich-Gulf Islands odd is the fact that it is not a media center and the fact that it is about as far west as one can be will only add to the travel burden for the leader of a national party.

It just doesn't make sense.


734...Joel Martin Ce Soir At SuperEx

Only ten dollars to see Joel Martin open for the Disney show at SuperEx on the Super Stage.

I am your entertainment guide.


733...Pride Week In Ottawa

The gay kind.

The parade by the way is this Sunday; look for me marching with Yasir Naqvi, with my rainbow colour sombrero, with sequins of course. The parade basically goes down Wellington Street past the Hill and meanders down Elgin Street to City Hall.

Clay Aiken was not available for comment.


732...I Am The Chief Of The CIA

But Scott Gibson is not my deputy chief.

According to cops in Mount Carmel, Tennessee, Mr. Gibson said that he did not have to pay a 75 dollar speeding ticket because he was the deputy chief of the Central Intelligence Agency.

As FOXNews reports, that ploy did not work. My deputy or not, you gots to pay the fine.

Secondly, impersonating the number two guy in the CIA attracts attention, something real CIA agents don't like to do and also attracts criminal charges. Mr. Gibson has never worked for the federal agency and therefore was arrested for criminal impersonation and federal charges are also pending.

I think he should have paid the fine, eh?


731...Wisconsin Land Of Cheese And Goat Theft

Chicago's NBC5 reports that 106 goats have been thieved in central Wisconsin this summer.

The first goat theft occurred at the beginning of July, and a second in early August.

In a related story, the price of gyros has plummeted in the state.


Monday, August 24, 2009

730...Super Ex Continues

I didn't pre announce this because I prize my anonymity but today, Tuesday the 24th of August, 2009, I went to SuperEx.

Can you have more fun for ten dollars? I think not.

From people watching to a guy who cursed me out because I didn't want to buy his eyecleaning goop, reduced from 20 to 15 but for me 10 and he would pay the taxes, it was time well spent.


729...Radio Tuesday Morning CKCU

Let's be honest, radio sucks and it sucks even more in Ottawa and that is the f'ing truth.

With the exception of me, of course.

I am the World Famous Dan Shields and I am on two hours a week, the best two hours of radio in this city, perhaps in the country.

Don't believe me?

Check me out tomorrow, six in da morning, 93.1 CKCU in Ottawa; in the world.

Tomorrow it is me, my co pilot Candace Hanna and you. The three of us will be joined by Taffe Charles, the coach of the Carleton women's basketball team, Doug Hempstead from SuperEx and we will kick off the hour with Ian Morrison, head of the Friends of Canadian Broadcasting.

Six to seven.

Short and sweet.


728...Do Not Hit Your Boss With A Baseball Bat

I should not have to tell you this but, hitting your boss with a bat, aluminum or wood, is a big no-no and could affect your performance review and possible promotion.

Here is an example from the Boston Globe: Police in New Haven, Connecticut have accused a Wal-Mart worker of beating an assistant manager in a store aisle with an aluminum baseball bat after getting reprimanded for the second time in a few days. Apparently this is against the law in Connecticut. Officer Joseph Avery said Tuesday that police are still looking for the 26-year-old suspect who is alleged to have hit the assistant manager, George Freibott, about a dozen times with the bat breaking various things: arms, fingers, teeth. Big owies all over Mr. Freibott have resulted in five oh planning to charge the unnamed assailant with first-degree assault and breach of peace.

If they find him, that is.


727...This Is Why I Hover

Illawarra Mercury has a fun story this morning about a 59 year old man in Cairns, Queensland, Australia who was at a shopping centre, decided to go to the washroom and ended up leaving the mall with a toilet seat glued to his butt.

Police are appealing for public help to find a prankster who put adhesive on the toilet seat which resulted in the humiliating rescue of the unidentified man. Unidentified to you and I but you gotta know that the 58 year old lad's friends, family and foes know who he is. And who he will be forever. Toilet seat boy.

Don't not try this at home. A mall on the other hand...


726...Not All Headlines Are Bad For Canada

The Montreal Gazette doesn't lead with a story about our failing economy, the war that no one understands or the polls showing that Canadians seem to really, really, really like Stephen Harper.

Of course they don't.

They lead with "Who will captain the Habs?"

If it is August and it is Canada it must be hockey.

I love this country.


725...Headlines Are Bad For Canada This Morning

The latest polls, conducted for Canwest News Service and Global National by Ipsos Reid and reported by Canwest News Services this morning, indicate that the Conservatives are opening up a big ass lead on Michael Ignatieff and the Liberals.

Tories: 39.

Liberals: 28.

This is not good.


724...Not Enough Cowbell

Blue Coupe, a band made up of former members of Blue Oyster Cult, The Alice Cooper Band and Teenage Head, played the Elmdale House Tavern last night in Hintonburg, Ottawa and OMG they were so good.

For those of you not familiar with the venue, it is a cozy little bar built probably a century ago and has great acoustics, atmosphere and people.

The band seemed to have played for about a minute but in reality it was the better part of two hours. They were just that much fun.

Ironically the only fault with the entire performance was there wasn't enough cowbell in their encore Don't Fear The Reaper.

The Elmdale rocks.


Sunday, August 23, 2009

723...More On Dany Heatley

This is cut and paste from Barry McLoughlin's blog on what he sees going on in the Dany Heatley slmozzle.

For your erudition I am one of Mr. McLoughlin, world class spin doctor, says so right on his web site, I am one of Mr. McLoughlin's two followers.

I, by the way have *3*.

Which makes my base 50 per cent larger than Mr. McLoughlin's.

For those of you wondering, what I just did, that is spin.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Hockey Star Faces PR Challenge

Welcome back to the dog days of August. Often it's a time when otherwise mundane stories can escalate into front-page national stories, causing pain and notoriety - whether deserved or not. For Ottawa Senators fans, the handling of star forward Dany Heatley fits into this category of news event. Word had leaked out back in June that Dany was unhappy with the way coach Cory Clousten had been treating him and told Senators management that he wished to be traded (only one year into a six year, $40 million plus contract. Outrage immediately followed - casting Dany as a spoiled, ungrateful brat turning his back on Ottawa fans. [Whoever said politics is mean? Sports fans can show no mercy at all.]

Dany waited all summer, refusing to say anything, and then only days before beginning hockey camp with the Canadian Olympic team, he holds a conference call/news conference.
Did he meet the test? Clearly not. What went wrong? I was interviewed on that and here is the resulting Ottawa Citizen story:

Personally I think the problem with Dany Heatley is that he doesn't like his new boss, ain't thrilled with living in Ottawa/Kanata and has the resources to tell the Senators and his employers to go f'k themselves and that pisses off the 99.9 per cent of us that have to do what we have to do.

That's what I think.

No need to rebuild his image; 35 goals this season and a medal in Vancouver will do that just nicely.

And if he was some 3rd line schmo, we would not be having this conversation; he would suck it up and be happy.


722...Bank Robbery 101

Sarah Palin and I read the same paper, The Anchorage Daily News don't you know, and last week they ran a nice little story about a fellow who obviously flunked out of bank robber academy but decided it was his calling anyhow.

It were not.

Jared Paul Arnold, who is 34 and should know better, walked into the Alaska USA Federal Credit Union on Juneau Street in Anchorage, Alaska. So far so good. He then gave his name and account number to the teller and showed his picture ID. It was his real name and it was his own account. Still doing good Mr. Arnold, still good. He asked the teller, Letecia Chroust, to check his balance. Good. Then he handed over a note that read "I have a gun. Give me all the money in your drawer." Not so good.

He remains in custody at the Anchorage jail.


721...Canadian Men Like Looking At Women

Except those that will be marching in Pride in the Nation's Capital next weekend. Those men look at other men.

Fair dinkum.

A U.K. report reported in The Telegraph reports that the average man spends 43 minutes a day checking out 10 different women. This works out to about a year of girl watching from the age of 18 to 80. More if you went to graduate school.

For gay dudes, insert "boy" for "girl" and apply.

Clay Aiken was not available for comment.


720...Wasted Summer Days And Nights

At least that is what L. Ian MacDonald [and, no, there is nothing pretentious about putting your first initial in front of your name] writes in the morning Montreal Gazette.

The former confidant of the United States' greatest Canadian Prime Minister, Brian Mulroney, Mr. MacDonald slags the Liberals and Canada's next Prime Minister, Michael Ignatieff, for being lazy and incompetent.

Mr. MacDonald makes one valid point:

Here's something else for the Liberals to consider:
With a new leader taking advantage of the worst economic downturn in decades,
they should be running 10 to 15 points ahead in the polls,
easily leading every region of the country except the West.
Instead, they're running no better than even with
the Conservatives, given polls' margin of error,
with both parties in the mid-30-per-cents.

As much as I want to believe that Mikey I. will be the next PM and that Stephen Harper will become the greatest real estate agent Calgary has ever seen, Mr. Tory Mouthpiece makes a valid point.

That is pretty much all that is in Sunday's Gazette. I just saved you a dollar, more if you live off the Island.

Thank me.


719...Jason Kenney Makes Us All Proud

Proud to be Canadians.

Our beloved Immigration Minister is protecting our home and native land by keeping it free from undesirables.

Undesirables like blind grandmother Stefania Elzbieta Magdziak who is being deported back to Poland today.

Best I can figure from Tom Godfrey's story in this morning's Toronto Sun, Mrs. Magdziak showed up for a visit in '98 and decided to stay, primarily because her two children are legally here and she wanted to be close to them and her six grandchildren. She claims that she did not get proper paper work because of an unscrupulous immigration agent blah blah blah.

Bottom line is, she is out of her, gone, gone like Jesse James, history, say hi to everyone in Poland for us when you get off the plane.

Here is how I figure it. Why bother Hon. Jason? Why? I know, rules be rules but seriously, why do we have so many damn immigration rules? Why don't we do like we did back in the day, like a century or more back in the day and let everyone who wants in this great country, in.


718...Did You Know Canada Is At War?

And in a recession?

There is also a lot of other funky stuff going down, homelessness, a bit of crime, archaic drug laws that criminalize non criminals, the lack of a CFL team in Ottawa.

All this pales of course when one thinks of la cause celebre Dany Heatley in our National Capital.

Mr. Heatley is on the front page of both of the Anglo papers in Ottawa, The Sun and The Citizen and, perhaps, I don't live in a francophone area, on the front of Le Droit.

In case you don't know, Mr. Heatley is a hockey player for the Ottawa Senators but he doesn't care for his new coach [read: boss] and has had enough of living in Ottawa, working for the Senators and wants to be transferred elsewhere. From the reaction of Joe Fan, who doesn't know better and muckty mucks like Barry McWhat'sHisName, Mayor Larry's spin doctor, one would think Mr. Heatley is some kind of devil, er, demon.

Think it through folks. First off, he is a hockey player, an entertainer. Two, have you ever had a job you di'nt like, a boss you di'nt like? This seems to be the case with Mr. Heatley.

Doesn't like his new boss, is bored with the town, wants to move.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Get a grip Ottawa. Gatineau. Eastern Ontario. Western Quebec.


717...Tonight At The Elmdale Blue Coupe [BOC]

More cowbell.

Blue Coupe, which is the guts of Blue Oyster Cult, the Bouchard brothers along with Dennis Dunaway from the Alice Cooper Band are playing the bar my dad drank away my childhood in, the Elmdale House Tavern, on Wellington Street in Hintonburg, a neighbourhood.

The 'dale is next door to my fave all time restaurant, the K Fried and across from my fave all time store, the Giant Tiger [be sure to visit their expired chocolate bar section; bargains galore on expired U. S. candy bars, mmmmmmm].

I am amped to find out if they have taken the advice of Saturday Night Live and added more cowbell.

Look for me in my blue sombrero, Sharpie in hand.


Saturday, August 22, 2009

716...Elmo Is Now A Panhandler In New York City

PBS cutbacks have forced Sesame Street star Elmo to work the streets outside Planet Hollywood in the Big Apple.

Cut and paste from the New York Daily News:

Elmo no like tourists, tightwads - or photographers.

At least a rogue version of the lovable "Sesame Street" character hassling passersby outside Planet Hollywood in Times Square Friday night didn't.

The dirty and creepy character demanded money from people and, when he didn't get it, swore and jostled them.

"No picture. No picture. You have to tip Elmo. You have to tip Elmo or Elmo gets angry," the imposter shouted as he stuck a filthy red paw over a Texas tourist's camera lens.

"What the hell, Elmo? Keep your hands to yourself," shouted Victoria Vought, 47, pulling away.

Wide-eyed at the loud to-do, Vought's son, Dylan, 4, asked, "What's wrong with Elmo, Mommy?"

"That's not the real Elmo. That's a bad Elmo," she quickly explained.

The explanation stuck because any kid will tell you the real Elmo, a furry red monster with large white eyes and an orange nose, is very upbeat and giggles a lot. And he's clearly not grungy.

Friday night's cut-rate imitation nearly got his orange nose bloodied by Ken Ross, a 32-year-old insurance agent from New Mexico, after he grabbed at Ross' camera.

"It's just a picture. Don't be rude, and don't touch me," Ross warned, adding, "Somebody should rap you."

The phony's temper finally got the best of him when a Daily News reporter and photographer tried to find out who he was.

He angrily lunged at the photographer but came up empty and then apologized.

"Look man, Elmo needs to make a living, too," he said.


715...Identical Twin Fun

Ah the benefits of being an identical twin.

Sharing photo id, clothes and, of course, sex partners.

That is what an Orange, Connecticut police officer, Jared Rohrig, did earlier this week. WFSB Eyewitness News reports that Mr. Rohrig has been charged with sexual assault in the latter, an apparent no no in Connecticut.

Police said a woman told police that she went to meet Rohrig's twin brother, Joe, whom she was in a relationship with. The woman got into a hot tub with Jared Rohrig, thinking it was his brother, police said. This became that and next thing you know the two are in bed doing the hokey pokey. Whilst in the throes of esctasy the unnamed woman noticed that her partner did not have a cowboy tattoo on his derriere. The twin she normally has relations with, Joe, does.

Aghast, she asked Mr. Rohrig to cease and desist. He did not and has been charged with sexual assault in the first degree and criminal impersonation. His bond was set at $50,000 and he is scheduled to appear in court on Sept. 8. In the tradition of police departments everywhere, organizations that respect that being charged and being convicted are two different things, he was put on paid leave from the Orange Police Department.


714...Babe Ruth's Home Run Total

Was 714.

Which brings up the question, why hasn't someone signed Barry Bonds over the last two seasons? The man can flat out hit and steriods, schmeroids, if you/me/the world thinks that Mr. Bonds is/was the only pro athlete to be juicing, you/me/the world is crazy.

You would think talent would win over all.


Friday, August 21, 2009

713...It Is So Hard To Be A Girl

BBC News drops the story that new 800m world champion Caster Semenya, an 18 year old woman, has been asked to drop 'em and prove that she is a she.

Problem is she is not exactly Miss America, if you know what I mean. She is a mannish girl and the haters in the world want her to prove that she truly is a she. In a statement, the African National Congress condemned the speculation surrounding Ms. Semenya, who won gold at the Athletics World Championships in Berlin on Wednesday, leaving her rivals in the dust.

It is just so difficult to be a woman who has any profile. Refer back to Post 482 where I point out that former minister of the Crown, Belinda Stronach, was hated on while she was in Ottawa because she is hot and rich, the fact that she is super smart, never mentioned. Ditto current Italian minister and love of my life Mara Carfagna who, at 33, is a veteran of Italian politics and a minister of the state but, because she is ridiculously good looking, hate pours down on her like rain.

Flip over to our young running star and her problem is the opposite. A graduate of the k. d. lang school of beauty, she runs fast, can bench press more than the average NFL lineman and therefore is hated because she is not hot enough. Give up already people, give up.


712...Britney Spears Update V. 2.


Pink-Clad Pooch Stolen from Gay Bar by Man With Britney Tattoo

I only wish I could make something like that up.

Brian Hamacher writes that Hudson Hayward Hemingway, that is the pink clad pooch, was allegedly stolen from Brian Dortort at Georgie's Alibi, a gay bar in South Florida.

Mr. Dortort says that he let a man with a Britney Spears tattoo on either his neck or arm hold the 4-month-old Chihuahua. Neck OR arm. Thanks for narrowing that down.

Hudson Hayward Hemingway is about the size of a softball, light-cream colored with a pink belly, pink ears and pink earrings.


On a dog.

A dog named Hudson Hayward Hemingway.

My guess, the dog just booked Mr. Dortort, just booked baby.

Clay Aiken was not available for comment.


711...Britney Spears Update V. 1.

She is playing Ottawa tonite.

Scotia Bank Place.

I am thinking 80 dollars a pair from scalpers gets you in the room.

And then after the show you can buy a counterfeit t-shirt for ten.


710...Say Hello To Hurricane Bill

The whole world is reporting that Hurricane Bill is going to hit Nova Scotia and the Maritimes at some point late in the day Sunday.

The Canadian Hurricane Centre [now there is a job for you and me, working at
The Canadian Hurricane Centre, where the question is often asked "Who's turn is it to deal?"] opines that the storm will pummel parts of the Maritimes with torrential rains and winds sometime Sunday evening.

Sea craft have been asked to hit port toute suite and Environment Canada figures that breakers could be in the three metre range.

It is one of those things, would be cool to be there but it would be terrifying to be there too.

The only thing I can guarantee is that one of the news broadcasts will lasso a reporter to a dock and make him report live while being blown and drenched by Hurricane Bill.

709...A Fan Writes The World Famous

In response to my Post 705

705...Poll Shows 36% Of Cdns Say No To Ms. May

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry - but why do you insist on further degrading her by calling her baby? Have some respect at least for the woman and refrain from crap like that. Would you say the same if it was a male politician.. jeez. Liberals should be above that kind of crap. I don't care if you were trying to mimic a song.. I'd much rather prefer some intelligent dialogue.

If I may.

For starters, Anonymous is a very common name in this community. More so than Smith or Johnson or even Ali. I digress.

Yes, I would say the name 'baby' if it was a male politician.

I call everybody baby.

But it is you, Anonymous, who give the word power, not I.

I thank you for your time.


Thursday, August 20, 2009

708...Sudbury Ontario Radio News

Newcap Radio has dropped Kung Pao 93.5 onto the dial in the nickel city.

No Stompin' Tom but all those great Chinese hits that we have grown to know and love, without the rap.


707...They Are Dropping Like Flies At CBS

Don Hewitt, the brains behind the CBS newsmagazine 60 Minutes, left the planet yesterday, again reported everywhere in North America.

The cause was pancreatic cancer, a huge and incredibly fast killer.

He was 86 but still sharp as a tack.


706...Shoot Yourself In The Thigh And Go To Jail

If you roll like Plaxico Burress that is what is going to go down.

Everyone is reporting that the former New York Giant wideout pleaded guilty Thursday to a weapons charge and agreed to a two-year prison term for accidentally shooting himself at a Manhattan nightclub. You read right, Mr. Science shot himself, his own damn self, in the thigh earlier this year.

He is 31 and hopes to renew his NFL career when he gets out of jail in what will probably be 20 months.

Andy Reid, what do you and the Iggles have to say about that?


705...Poll Shows 36% Of Cdns Say No To Ms. May

A Canadian Press Harris-Decima survey just released indicates that 36 per cent of those surveyed in our home and native land don't want Green Party leader Elizabeth May in Parliament.

A mere 40 per cent do.

Of course this will be spun round like a record baby to make it seem like the world wants her in the House of Commons.

Afraid not, baby, afraid not.


704...New Canadian Poll Doesn't Look Good

For Canadians.

New Ekos Poll:

Liberals: 30.2
CPC: 32.8
NDP: 17.3
Green: 11
Bloc: 8,7

May be the Greens and the NDP and the Liberals could park their
egos at the door and join
forces, you know, like the Conservatives and
the Reform did in the 1990s?

Of course not.


703...Whatever Could Go Wrong

I am having my morning tea and flipping through the Samoa Observer when I am reminded that September 7th, 2009 is the day that the Samoan road system changes from driving on the right side of the road to the left side.

Seriously, wtf?

I am not making this up. Their Prime Minister, Tuilaepa Sailele Malielegaoi, is driving the change in the belief that aligning Samoa with Australian and New Zealand rules will encourage vehicle importation. Why this is important is not clear.

New Zealand traffic consultant Graham Williams says that the switch is a recipe for disaster.

What makes it even more perilous is the fact that the whole country is not willing to make the change. Two villages in particular plan to force drivers to switch back to the right hand side.

This will be fun.


702...Toronto And Montreal Rivalry Redux

You know how those two cities are.

Toronto gets a subway; Montreal gets a subway.

Montreal gets a baseball team; Toronto gets a baseball team.

Toronto's blue collar workers go on strike; Montreal's blue collar workers go on strike.

This is taking it a bit too far. The headline on the front of the Gazette this morning is that the blue collar workers on the Island of Montreal are poised to walk.

Stay tuned for more deets.


701...The Price Of Lust

The Daily Express, a fish wrap based in the United Kingdom, reports that every time Robert Charlton broke his wedding vows with the lovely Elizabeth he bought her a diamond.

He was a very busy boy.

Mr. Charlton passed in 1979; Mrs. Charlton in '06 and earlier this year their daughter Marie recently sold the collection of 43 pieces of jewelery, one for every time he dallied, for a just under 300.




700...Eleventh Province

When it is plus 35 it is hard to focus on the need for a warm [note to those living in Victoria: your city is not warm in the middle of winter it is just less cold] place for Canadians to park their butts and their money during the middle of yet another freeeeeeezing winter.

This morning's Globe and Mail is trying to sharpen that focus with a piece on the ongoing want and need of the Turks and Caicos Islands to find a home inside our native land.

The idea of annexing the small chain of islands, population of which is about the size of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan at 36,000, has been bandied about since the time of Sir Robert Borden, circa World War One.

Right now the Islands are going through a bit of a corruption scandal and are looking for a place to call home.

C A N A D A ?


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

699...Oprah Heart Jay Z

Jay Z had 99 Problems until now.

Oprah Winfrey, who just broke up with 23 year boyfriend Stedman what's his name, gushes on Oprah Radio about how great Jay Z smells and everything.



698...Quebec Cash Grab

It did not meet the smell test in either British Columbia or Ontario but it is a nice way to grab cash so of course Quebec has decided to make their pilot project on the use of photo radar/cash machine a go.

For residents of the National Capital it is a good news/bad news story: The Ottawa Citizen, which serves Gatineau, the third largest market in Quebec, is running a story from CanWest News Service that indicates that the province has 15 of the little buggers but that none of them are in Gatineau.

Six of the Kodak's are on the Island of Montreal and the greatest in terms of potential revenue is on the Decarie Expressway at the Ville Marie Expressway where out of about 5,001 warning letters taken because of snapshots taken during the trial period fully 2,744 were taken on the southbound part of the Decarie, just past Atwater where it merges with the Ville Marie.

The speed limit on the Decarie is 70 km/hr. If you are familiar with the Decarie, driving 70 km/hr is an invitation to die.


697...Yet Another Reason To Visit Iowa

The Omaha World-Herald, which is in Nebraska but smack dab on the border with Council Bluffs, Iowa, reports this morning that the state with the bland image yet both voted for Obama and legalized gay marriage and has no helmet laws for motorcycles ensuring a constant supply of organs for transplant, is considering legalizing the evil drug marijuana for medicinal purposes.

The Iowa Pharmacy Board plans to examine current science and medical findings and hear testimony from doctors and patients. It also will review federal and state drug laws, including those in states that allow marijuana use for medical treatment.

Happier Russell Barth?


696...Important Karaoke Tip



695...Super Ex Tomorrow In Ottawa

And it is free from noon to five pm.

Be there.

Or be square.


694...Carleton Spanks Towson State


95 to 83 but it could have been worse.

Mind you, the refereeing, and I am a serious fan of Carleton, was egregious. I don't think the refs were biased but on this night they were less than competent. At times it seemed as though the game was five on eight not five on five.

The big breakthrough that is good news for the defending national champion Ravens is that first year player Tyson Hinz, out of Ottawa St. Matt's, shone with 18 points.

The game was won on the boards with Carleton out rebounding the Tigers by a huge 39 to 22 margin.


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

693...It Is You And Me Waking Up Tomorrow 93.1

Six in the morning.

Emily O, Doug Hempstead from SuperEx and possibly the great tic. Fingers crossed on that one.

Plus the most important element: YOU.


692..Julie Snyder's Best Friend Is Pregnant

Le Journal de Montreal reported this morning that Julie Snyder's best friend, Celine Dion, a singer, is pregnant.


691...Carleton/Towson: Ravens/Tigers: Tonight

At the U of K.

8 bells.

Be there for the first game of the 2009/2010 Ravens season as the defending national champion basketball team takes on the Towson Tigers of the NCAA.

Look for me in my black sombrero. Sharpie in hand.


690...Does Cow Tipping Exist?

May be yes, may be no.

What does exist is Smart Car tipping. You know, those little two seater cars that get a gazillion miles to the gallon, warm up in a minute in the winter, cool down in a minute in the summer, are perfect for the city and short trips. And tip.

Yesterday the Canadian Press rolled an article that a man in his 40s in Edmonton has been charged with tipping a Smart Car on its side on Whyte Avenue, a key bar street in Edmonton. The owner, Kevin Spaans, was understandably pissed by the whole debacle; even more so by bystanders posing with the flipped car while their mates snapped Polaroids.

Ken Lust, who sells the car through David Morris Fine Cars in Edmonton, was a victim of the prank himself three years ago and is on the record a being against it.

Still, if it doesn't happen to you, it is kind of funny.


689...Emile Loranger Meet Donald Trump

Donald Trump is, of course, Donald Trump. Emile Loranger is the Mayor of the small, about 12 k, town of L'Ancienne-Lorette which is a western suburb of Quebec City and is best known as the place that NHL tough guy John Kordic died of a drug overdose in back in 1992.

The reason I am introducing Mr. Trump and Mr. Loranger is that they are of the same mind when it comes to shaking hands. They don't like it. Spreads too many germs it does. Mr. Trump doesn't shake hands; Mr. Lorette, being a mayor and all that, has taken it one step further and CanWest News Service is banning handshakes in his re election campaign this fall.

All in the name of preventing the spread of the H1N1 virus.


688...Super Ex More For Less

I know you were listening to me on CKCU this morning but just in case here is a reminder of what is happening at Ottawa Super Ex, which starts Thursday at noon.

First off, it is free til 5 pm on opening day. The two Friday's of the eleven day fair are 2 for 1 date nights with tickets available from Pizza Pizza.

Also Quickie Stores have a deal with admission and ride passes for under 30 a person. Such a deal.

If you miss out on those admission to the Super Ex is a mere 10 dollars.

Such a deal.


Monday, August 17, 2009

687...Greg Paulus Number Three? Nooooooo

Post 119 announced that the Syracuse Orange, possibly the worst BCS team in NCAA football in 2008, had signed former high school superstar and Duke University basketball star Greg Paulus, a native of Central New York, had committed to play with the Orange as QB.

He was listed as third on the depth chart last week which, of course, was ridiculous.

Tonight Conor Orr in The Daily Orange reports that "After one week of summer camp, Syracuse head coach Doug Marrone has named Duke transfer student Greg Paulus as the team's starting quarterback...Paulus had been competing for the job against redshirt freshman Ryan Nassib - who was named the starting quarterback by Marrone in the Spring...[Syracuse's] first game [is] against Minnesota at the Carrier Dome on September 5."

Interesting, very interesting.


686...Carleton Alumni Wreck Towson Tigers

Well, not wreck, but win by 10.

69 to 59.

I was there and will be there tomorrow night, Tuesday, at Carleton, when the defending national champion Ravens will be playing the Towson State Tigers.

Game time is 8 pm. Look for me in my black sombrero. I will have my Sharpie with me for your autograph pleasure.

See, I could be a Senator.


685...Carleton Basketball Tonight At Eight

Go Ravens!

They are playing Towson State, the Tigers, from Maryland and the Colonial Conference in exhibition basketball on the campus of the mighty U of K, Carleton.

Monday night the Tigers are playing the Raven's alumni team; Tuesday it is the defending Canadian champions versus the Tigers. Towson State is coming off a rough season last year, going 12 and 22 including 5 and 13 in the Colonial Conference, a conference that spit out a Final Four team a couple of years ago in George Mason and a first round draft choice this year, Eric Naynor from Virginia Commonwealth University.

I will be there, of course, and in honor of alma mater will be wearing my red and black sombrero.


684...Programming Note

With the humidex, which, by the way, tic [all lower case; attracts attention] who 1/you have never heard of and 2/has been on the radio in Ottawa for a quarter century, albeit CKCU, doesn't believe in, is at 41/103, hottest this year I do believe and that means that today is a good day to chillax indoors.

I love it when people such as tic don't believe in things that are, well, not up for discussion such as the humidex, wind chill and my personal favourite, seat belts. I would guess that after exiting the car through the front windscreen one belatedly converts to a seat belt belief system, albeit [the WFDS word of the day] a bit too late.

I like tic so I do hope that even though he thinks that the humidex and the wind chill are some sort of scam I do hope that he believes in seatbelts coz I would hate to lose him.


683...SenatorPamWallinSays Be Nice To Yankees

Uh, how the hell did that happen?

Not the be nice to Americans thing, which is all over the front of the Ottawa Citizen web page, but how the hell did Pam Wallin become a Senator?

Geez, if one of the requirements is to be a failed broadcaster [yes Mike Duffy, I be talking about you] when do I get my appointment?


682...Tuesday Morning Six Sharp

It's you, me and Candace Hanna on 93.1 CKCU.

Joining me from his palatial estate in the secluded suburbs of the city will be Doug Hempstead from the Central Canada Exhibition Association. The Ex, or, as I like to refer to it, Vanier Visits The Glebe, [An 11 day retrospective of Wal Mart fashions] starts Thursday of this week and is always a blast.

Check me out, tomorrow, early, 93.1.


681...New Democrats Still New

Showing their consistency in not making decisions the New Democratic Party, a 48 year old political party by the way so not exactly New as in New, did not even get around to discussing a name change.

Various sources are reporting on this story and all are consistent with the thought that there was a bit of stalling, filibustering going on at the convention held over the weekend in Halifax, stall tactics aimed at preventing the discussion of said name change.


680...Buffalo-Toronto Bills News

Steve Simmons in his Last Word column in yesterday's Ottawa Sun reports that Terrell Owens, of the Buffalo-Toronto Bills', Cable TV show ranked 798th in last weeks ratings.

That cannot be good.

Can it?


679...O. J. Simpson, Kathy Gifford, Frank Gifford

Belated happy birthday wishes to Kathy Lee Gifford and her husband, former USC football star, New York Giants football star and long time ABC sports announcer, primarily on NFL Monday Night Football.

Yesterday was the big day at the Gifford household. Both sides of the bed had a birthday. 56 for her and 79 for him.

Their birthday reminded me of a joke that was making the rounds during O. J. Simpson's trial for allegedly killing his wife, a charge that most of you are aware of, he was acquitted of by a jury of his peers.

The joke was: "If an NFL Hall of Fame running back had to mercilessly stab his wife to death, why couldn't it have been Frank Gifford?"

During the same time as Mr. Simpson was dominating the news Mrs. Gifford was all over the TV, primarily as the co host of the morning talkshow Regis and Kathy Lee with Regis Philbin. Hence the joke.


Sunday, August 16, 2009


Score one for assertion of one's personal freedoms.

Stephanie Sydiaha of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, which is about 400 km north of the American border, refused to allow a U.S. security firm perform a mandatory background check out of privacy concerns and has won that battle.

CBC News reported earlier this week that Miss Sydiaha, who drives for First Student Canada, in a very gutsy play, refused to let her employer do a background check on her because it was using a U.S.-based security firm.

She was concerned about what would happen to her personal information once it crossed the border, where privacy laws are more lax than Canada's. She was also worried that, by refusing to submit to a check, she'd lose her job.

Props to the company which has acceded to her request and will use a Canuckistanian company to do the security checks.


677...Pedophiles And Cops Talking Dirty

It is official now, writes, the only people chatting dirty on line are pedophiles and cops pretending to be kids.

Last Thursday, a federal appeals court upheld both the conviction of an Indiana man and redefined the concept of being a loser. The man, James Daniel, is a bit of freak and into young girls in a deviant way. Mr. Daniel's online efforts to proposition underage girls in chat rooms led him to not one, not two, but three undercover cops, none of whom apparently knew about the others.

Strike one.

Strike two.

Strike three.

Which translates into 17 plus years of jail time for Mr. Daniels, time that I am sure will just fly by considering the esteem child molesters are held in by other prisoners. Then, when he gets out, life supervision. Life just keeps getting better and better.

By the way there’s no evidence in the record that he ever succeeded in talking with a real underage girl.


676...Tiger And The Mick

PGA Championship today; even non fans care.

Tee off for the two leaders, Tiger Woods and Padraig Harrington, is 2 45 eastern and if you like golf this is golf at its best with the former champion, Mr. Woods, up two on the reigning champion, Mr. Harrington.

Have fun.


Saturday, August 15, 2009

675...Breaking Into Jail

Not done often but it has now been done. Tuesday night in Gatineau, the town across the river from Ottawa, a city well known for cheap beer, strippers and cheap beer, a 20 year old man showed up at the Hull detachment on De La Carriere looking for a place to spend the night.

The sergeant on duty explained the Gatineau police are not hoteliers and referred him to community resources.

Not good enough for buddy; he left the station and proceeded to smash the windows of the station. Problem solved re sleeping indoors: the cops arrested the fool for vandalism and he appeared in court Wednesday.

Only in La Belle Province where the unthinkable happens on a regular basis.


674...Former Failed Leader Gives Advice To NDP

Ed Broadbent, who was a spectacular failure as a leader of the New Democratic Party, is now an elder statesman, eminent grise and all that of Canada's perennial fourth place national party. Mr. Broadbent gave a speech last night at the Dipper convention in Halifax that Michael Valpy of the Globe and Mail breathlessly reports was blah blah blah and blah.

Seriously, same old, same old.

Mr. Ed "...proclaimed the arrival of “a social democratic moment” in Canadian politics." in his speech.

Well, la di f'ing da. Where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, from you, Mr. Ed, repeatedly in the 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's and 2000's.

Tax the rich, social equality and on and on and on.

Again proving that he and they don't get it the New Democratic Party, which very well could be the Democratic Party when you read this, will still get destroyed in the next election, picking up its usual handful of seats here and there and ultimately contributing next to nothing to Parliament.

Not even bronze medalists they are tired. So tired.


Friday, August 14, 2009

673...Checking In Fro' The 'Peg, Steven Fletcher

The Honourable Steven Fletcher, Minister of State [Democratic Reform] has been a busy man writing letter after letter to the papers that matter.

Check it out:

Montreal Gazette

Bloc not targetted [sic]

Fri Aug 14 2009

Page: A12

Section: Editorial / Op-Ed

Source: The Gazette

Re: "Duceppe: I am not a quitter" (Gazette, Aug. 13).

While others have advocated ending the per-vote subsidy only for the Bloc Québécois, that is not the position of our Conservative government.

We believe that no party should have its operations supported by this taxpayer subsidy and that all parties should be primarily funded by their supporters. In fact, the Conservative Party would lose the most money should the per-vote subsidy be ended.

To suggest, as your story does, that the government would target a specific party is wrong and a misrepresentation of our view.

Steven Fletcher

Minister of State

(Democratic Reform)


End taxpayer subsidy of parties

The Toronto Star

Fri Aug 14 2009

Page: A24

Section: Editorial

Rewriting the rules won't make Bloc

Go away, Column, Aug. 11

While some have advocated ending the per-vote subsidy only for the Bloc Quebecois, that is not the position of our Conservative government. We believe that no party should have its operations supported by this taxpayer subsidy and that all parties should be primarily funded by their supporters.

Steven Fletcher, Minister of State (Democratic Reform), Ottawa

This, of course, is some serious bullsh't.