Tuesday, July 30, 2013

6295...The Ottawa The Tourists Don't See

It is ten minutes from the Hill but a thousand miles away.

Look for me in my red sombrero.


6294...Tim Hudak's Job On The Line

If he doesn't sweep this Thursday, oh boy.

PC leader Tim Hudak sees “growing momentum” in race for Ottawa South

Or at least four out of five.

For true, for true, for true.


Monday, July 29, 2013

6293...Yet Another Reason To Not Vote Tory


6292...Dya Use Your Smart Phone During Sex?

As an aside, what is this sex thing everyone seems to be going on about?

Rock 103, Memphis, drops the knowledge from University of Texas Health Science Center in San Antonio that if you feel compelled to use your cell phone during sex you may be addicted.

MAY be addicted? 

In other ground breaking work at the UTHSCSA it has been discovered that water is wet, grass green and up is truly up.


6291...End Of The World Is Nigh

I am not sure what nigh means but it sounds scary.

Kia Mennie, a real world and Facebook friend, saw this at The Garden Market in Smith's Falls, Ontario.

Yum E.


6290...Pope Francis On Gays

Got this from The Atlantic.

 "Who am I to judge a gay person of goodwill who seeks the Lord?"


Stick that in your pipe and smoke it haters.


6289...Culling The Herd In Kentucky

You canna make this stuff up.

WKYT TV, Lexington, has the story about Richard Jones, a 52 year old man, who blew himself up realllllll good.  What this stronzo was doing was smoking a cigarette, outside, the way God and man intended him to. Deal was Mr. Jones was hooked up to an oxygen tank.  

Police in Rowan County say that "His family tells us he has had three prior explosions at his home for the same reason, but this one was different because it killed him."

He also blew up the family mobile home real good.  Reallllllllllll good.


Sunday, July 28, 2013

6288...George Zimmerman Gets 12K To Buy A Gun

Being George Zimmerman is almost as good as being a corrupt Senator.

F'up and you still get paid.

ThinkProgress tells the world that Tuesday last the Buckeye Firearms Foundation sent Mr. Zimmerman 12,150.37$ to buy a gun.

The nasty police kept the one he used to kill Trayvon Martin.


6287...O.J. Simpson Wants Out Of Jail

For starters he has a murderer, of his ex wife and her friend Ron Goldman, that he has to track down.  He sure canna do it if he is locked up in Nevada.

The Associated Press runs with the news that "O.J. Simpson went before a parole board and pleaded for leniency on his armed robbery and kidnapping sentence Thursday as he expressed regret for his actions and described being an upstanding inmate who earns pennies an hour keeping gym equipment sanitized and umpiring and coaching games in the prison yard."

He says he regrets the actions, using a gun and forcing people to give him back his stuff, that landed him in jail. 
Seriously, what a maroon.  Got lucky once; second time not so much.

Earliest The Juice can hit the streets in 2018.  


6286...Tory Oh Tory

Yahoo.com tells all that the Stephen Harpers have done it again.

They open their piece with this prose "This has to be one of the biggest blunders in the history of Canadian political mail-outs.  There are multiple reports about Conservative MPs sending out flyers touting their programs that help disabled people enter the workforce. As part of their advertisement, they've included Braille letters."

Ze problem is the braille it no be braille.

And these people run the country.




6285...You're Too Black For Me

Italy.  Italy.  Italy.

Reuters reports that on Friday the Italian Minister For Integration, Cecile Kyenge, had bananas tossed at her at a party rally Cervia, central Italy.  The bananas were tossed in protest against the minister's proposal to make anyone born on Italian soil a citizen.

Italian Minister for Integration Cecile Kyenge gestures during a news conference in Rome

Catherine Hornby writes that "Kyenge has faced regular insults since becoming minister, often from other politicians. Earlier this month a senior parliamentarian in the anti-immigration Northern League party likened her to an orangutan and only apologized after a storm of criticism."

Italy.  Italy.  Italy.


6284...You're Too Fat For Me

Says New Zealand.

Fairfax NZ News tells the world that "A South African chef has been told by authorities in New Zealand that's he's too fat to be permitted to live in the country.  Albert Buitenhuis, who weighs 130 kilograms, faces expulsion from the country he's called home since 2007."

  CBC's photo

His BMI is 35.  Full disclosure:  mine is 30.  I like girls more than sheep though so I don't anticipate moving to the land of the kiwi.


Saturday, July 27, 2013

6283...Meet And Eat With Premier Wynne

Ottawa, 1901 Bank Street, Sunday at 10 30.

Breakfast with Kathleen Wynne, the Premier of all that is Ontario, at the campaign headquarters of Ottawa South candidate John Fraser.

Say hi pour moi.


6282...Swedish Meatballs

Those are the opening two words of the headline in The National Post.

The opening two paragraphs are:

A Swedish politician who wanted to show his new tattoo to followers on a social media site accidentally revealed far more than he intended.
Lars Ohly, former leader of Sweden’s Left Party, posted a picture of the English soccer club Liverpool’s liver bird tattooed on his leg. What he failed to notice was that his genitals were visible in the background.

Don't you hate when that happens?


Friday, July 26, 2013

6281...Make Justin Trudeau Be Quiet

We are down in the polls, eh?

Methinks it is coz Justin Trudeau and his cabal have lost sight of their purpose.  Their purpose being to run Canada.

Headlines like this from The National Post are sinking Team Red deeper down in the polls.

Justin Trudeau wants to legalize marijuana in order to ‘keep it out of the hands of our kids’

We are down too.  Another piece in The National Post makes that point.

Trudeau’s Liberals finally come back to Earth as poll has Tories on track to win slim minority

Everyone knows how smart and progressive and blah, blah, blah you are Mr. Trudeau.  Please, please, please keep your eye on the prize.  And STFU.


6280...You, Yes You, Are Sooooo Old

Mick Jagger turns 70 today.

If you don't use it.


6279...Celine Dion Order Of Canada

Who deserves it more than her?

Celine Dion, the second biggest Canadian name on the world stage, is going to get the Order of Canada.  With her husband and svengali.  In Quebec City.  Today.

Good on her.


6278...In Ottawa This Weekend?

This is where you want to be.

NBA players, European pros, Carleton and other university players plus great streetballers.

Seven bucks for the weekend.

Cray cray.


Thursday, July 25, 2013

6277...Courage Is Hip

Cut and paste from Upworthy.com.

What actress Tilda Swinton did in Russia is courage defined. Below, she's holding a pride flag in Red Square. That seems like no big deal until you know that it's illegal in Russia to have "propaganda of nontraditional sexual relations" in public places. That basically means you can't show any support for LGBTQIA causes at all. You can be imprisoned for even holding a rainbow flag like Swinton is doing here — right in front of the Russian police.


6276...George Bush I Is A Mensch

The 89 year old ex POTUS shaved his head in support of a young friend with the big C.



6275...Rob Ford Makes Mad Magazine

The September issue of Mad has this.

5 Signs Your Mayor is Smoking Crack...
1. Inauguration cancelled due to "invisible spiders."

2. Office supplies from city hall keep turning up on Craigslist.

3. Frequently wakes up in cities he doesn't recognize shouting "I didn't approve these changes!!"

4. Proposes balancing budget by stealing all stereos from cars in neighboring town.

5. Shaky moral compass and pathological need to lie...(actually that's most city mayors.)

Toronto, finally on the map.


6275...Hipster Traps

They are appearing all over the cool parts of NYC.

From the laughingsquid.com.


I hope to see some on Queen Street, in Hintonburg and on The Plateau.


6273...Tim Hudak Says Nothing As Usual

Look don't get me wrong I bleed Liberal red but if there was ever a time that they could be taken out in Ontario this would be the time.

It's just that Tim Hudak is, thankfully, such a stronzo.

On the Ottawa South campaign trail yesterday with our Leader Tim Hudak talking about the future of Ontario. 

"We need to focus on jobs and ensuring a bright future for our children" ~ Tim Hudak, Leader of the Ontario PC Party

Seriously, dya think the Liberals don't believe in jobs and kids?


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

6272...Virginia Is For Lovers

Who are missionaries, if you know what I mean.

Rawstory.com reports that "On Monday, hosts of ABC’s The View blasted Republican Virginia gubernatorial candidate Ken Cuccinelli over his campaign to reinstate a 'Crimes Against Nature' law that would outlaw oral and anal sex even between consenting straight couples."

What was it Trudeau I said about the government and bedrooms?


6271...500 Coffees Paid Fwd In Edmonton

How cool is this.

CBC Edmonton reports that a mystery man went into a Tim Horton's yesterday on Jasper Ave, that's the main drag btw, in the Alberta capital and bought 500 cups of coffee on suspension.  Meaning that the next 500 people who went into that Timmy's got free coffee.

Tim Hortons employee Pinky Lung tells another customer that coffee is on the house after a mystery man pays for 500 cups and leaves.

"'We asked him his name and he didn't tell us,' hostess Pinky Lung told CBC's Lisa McGregor. 'He said he didn't want to tell anyone.'"


Tuesday, July 23, 2013

6270...Buy George Zimmerman A Gun

To refresh yer memory he is the dude who was acquitted of murdering Trayvon Martin.  This means he is not a murderer; just a killer.

The Washington Times says "...that even though Zimmerman was acquitted by a jury, the Justice Department on Thursday ordered the Sanford police to put a hold on the evidence from the trial, which includes the Kel Tek 9mm handgun."

WCPO-TV Cincinnati reports that "The Buckeye Firearms Association, a political action committee (PAC) based in Ohio, posted on its website that it plans to help Zimmerman acquire a new firearm...The article asks for direct donations toward purchasing the new gun..."

After all what is a killer without a gun?


6269...Dean Del Mastro In The News

Boy oh boy I hope he doesn't eat when he is anxious.  Coz if he does he is gonna have to trot, er waddle, down to Moore's and get his suits let out. 

Director of Public Prosecutions weighing charges against Del Mastro over campaign expenses

The Ottawa Citizen [and every other decent fish wrap in Canada] had a story yesterday/today about the esteemed member from Peterborough who allegedly was caught cheating. The story opened with the news that "Federal prosecutors are considering laying charges over expenses claimed by Conservative MP Dean Del Mastro’s campaign during the 2008 election."

The MP says he doesn't know what people are talking about; he is unaware of the case being referred to the Crown.  Please print and mail this to him so he knows.  No postage required.  Honestly.


6268...What To Name The Baby

Best comes from The Milky Show on Ottawa's BOB FM.


6267...Poverty In Canada: Shame

Andrew Coyne had a piece in The National Post yesterday about how the poverty line is at its lowest number since the peeps at Stats Can have been keeping track of such things.

The number, as of 2011, is 8.8 per cent.  In '65, the first year the numbers were tracked, it was 25 per cent.

Is good.

But is bad too.

8.8 per cent means that 1/12 people in our rich home and native land are poor.

That sucks.


Monday, July 22, 2013

6266...Canadian Icon Turns 73 Today

Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek.


6265...Don't Bark At Police

Antonio Morrison got arrested for doing so on the weekend.

Who is Antonio Morrison?  Glad you asked.  Mr. Morrison is a student athlete with the University of Florida Antonio MorrisonGators football team.  Think Gatorade, Tim Tebow and Ottawa's own Jesse Palmer and you have the picture.  The Orlando Sentinel relays the info that "...the team's starting middle linebacker, was arrested on Sunday morning for harassing a police animal, according to a Gainesville Police Department report."

The Gainesville Police were called to the bar and had a K9 unit with them.  "Per the report, Officer William A. Arnold had a police K9 named 'Bear' in the car. Morrison walked over to the vehicle and began to bark at the dog."   And wouldn't stop.

Student athlete.


Sunday, July 21, 2013

6264...Harper's Cabinet Shuffle Summarized


6263...Tim Horton's Ix Nay The Gays

Well at least the gay papers that one could cruise online whilst having a double double.  Read about it in the Sun yesterday.  It is said that DailyXtra.com, an online news service targeting homosexuals, has been blocked.

No comment from Timmy's.

Great comment from Starbucks who said that you can "...watch all the porn you want here; but wear headphones."


6262...Dean Del Mastro Is A Bad Boy


I missed this; happened last month.

Conservative MP Dean Del Mastro has been accused of abusing his parliamentary privilege to slander a former consultant who has provided evidence to Elections Canada.

CBC ran with the story that "Frank Hall, whom Del Mastro contracted to do voter outreach and identification during the 2008 federal election campaign, said Del Mastro used his parliamentary privilege in the House of Commons last week to attack Hall's credibility."

The member for Peterborough must be thanking his lucky stars for Mike Duffy, eh?


Saturday, July 20, 2013

6261...And You Thought Rob Ford Was Bad

Hey ain't got nothin' on the current mayor of San Diego, Bob Filner.

This guy is such a dog that dogs are upset with him.  NPR and KPBS tell all that hizzoner is a sexual predator.  "At a press conference on Monday, attorneys Marco Gonzalez, Cory Briggs and former council member Donna Frye — all former Filner supporters — revealed the details of the allegations from three women who wish to remain anonymous.  According to statements from the women, one campaign volunteer said the mayor '[jammed] his tongue down her throat' and groped her; a constituent said that he kissed her and asked her on a date; a staffer said that he 'grabbed her ass and touched her chest.'"

San Diego Mayor Bob Filner in the video statement he released last week.
In an Adam Giabrone esque twist his " former fiancee, Bronwyn Ingram, came forward with the reasoning for their split..'Bob's constant infidelities which are being flaunted in my face lately along with his abusiveness and disrespect has become absolutely intolerable'"

Props to the mayor.  He ain't denying anything.  He also, even though 59 per cent of San Diegoians want him to, ain't quitting.


6260...Boys In Skirts

Great Britain is going thru a heat wave.

A heat wave in Great Britain btw means the temp is close to 20.

The management at Whitchurch High School in Cardiff, Wales, told the boys there that they canna wear shorts.  The Mirror reports that 17 grade 10 students at Gareth Bale's old school have outsmarted management by wearing skirts.

Yet another reason why we won the war.


Friday, July 19, 2013

6259...Justin Trudeau Has A Plan

From my real world and Facebook friend Shane Mackenzie.


6258...Forget About The Senate

Global reports that the NHL is going to send players to the 2014 Olympics.


6257...Vive La Belle Province

Not the resto; the actual province.

I am sure that someway, somehow, Pauline Marois and the Parti Quebecois will blame this on the English but...

Here is the story, direct from the Sun papers via Fark.

MONTREAL - Quebec's education ministry admits it gave out 130,000 high school diplomas with one pretty obvious grammatical error on them.
Most of the diplomas were presented in last month's graduation ceremonies across the province, but the error has been there for the past nine months.
Twin sisters noticed the problem after graduating and informed QMI Agency, which called the education department.
The error lies with the fact that verbs in French must agree with either masculine or feminine subjects in a sentence.
The diplomas are signed as if the education minister and deputy minister are both women. That was the case until recently. But nine months ago, a man was appointed deputy minister.
Thus, the verb should have been changed to its masculine spelling since, in French, the male verb is predominant.
"It is so simple. We learn that in high school," said Andréanne Graton, who recently graduated from Collège Laval.
"If we had made an error like that at school, we would have looked ridiculous," said her sister Gaëlle.
It would cost $225,000 to redo all the diplomas, said a spokesman for the ministry. So they won't. But they will offer a corrected version to those students who ask for one.
The spokesman said they are sorry for the error, which was caused by not paying attention to detail.

Seriously this could happen anywhere but it did happen ther.




6256...Next For Ottawa: Locusts

Yer capital is going thru a nasty heat wave.

Today there is a tornado warning.

Photo: Not what you want to see in the the weather forecast....

One would presume that locusts are next.

Personally I blame Mike Duffy.


6255...3 Storey Tall Mike Duffy In Ottawa

The Canadian Taxpayers Association, a group who unofficially shill for the Stephen Harpers, unveiled a 3 storey tall Senator Mike Duffy, Kanata-Prince Edward Island, earlier today in your capital.

The Ottawa Citizen reports that "The Canadian Taxpayers Federation unveiled its new mascot Thursday in a call for a referendum on the future of the Senate: a 10-metre-tall inflatable version of Sen. Mike Duffy. Well, the balloon is actually 'Duffy-esque,' said Scott Hennig, a spokesman for the Canadian Taxpayers Federation who helped co-ordinate the creation."  Lawyers and all that, eh?

Giant Mike Duffy balloon the new mascot for Canadian Taxpayers Federation

The organization plans on taking the balloon on a tour of Canada.  When deflated the ersatz Senator weighs a mere 120 pounds, about a fifth of what the real Senator weighs.  They hope to force a referendum on the future of the Red Chamber.  

"A survey done by the federation in June showed that 82 per cent of Canadian Taxpayers Federation supporters were in favour a national referendum on the future of the Senate."

Senator Duffy was asked to comment but he no get back to the paper.


Thursday, July 18, 2013

6254...Tronna Cop Bakes Cookies In Squad Car

Bit of a heat wave happening in the Centre of the Universe.

How hot is it?

To demonstrate just how hot the inside of a car can get during a heat wave, Toronto police detective Jeff Bangild left a pan of raw cookies in the back of his squad car.

So hot that The National Post says that Detective Jeff Bangild of the Toronto Police Service decided to bake some poppin' fresh Pillsbury choc chip cookies in his squad car.

Took 12 hours but it happened.

That's how hot it is.


6253...Violin Appreciation Day

It was on this day in the year 64 that Nero fiddled while Rome burned.

You could look it up.


6252...Arrest Bonus Of 250 K

Wow being a disgraced pol really pays off.

Take the case of Montreal's ex mayor Michael Applebaum.  You may recall that Mr. Applebaum was interim mayor of Canada's coolest city for about a minute before the spoilsports that enforce the law charged him with 14 counts of having his hand in the cookie jar.

City officials say Michael Applebaum was entitled to a large severance package under provincial law.

Megan Dolski of The Canadian Press tells all that he has just received a going away cheque totaling 267,923,90$.  No wonder everyone is getting busted in La Belle; one canna afford not to.


Wednesday, July 17, 2013

6251...Cat Killing Quebec Mayor

I say this frequently.  La Belle is the place where the unthinkable happens on a regular basis.

For example, this weekend Stephane Gendron, the mayor of Huntington, a small town on the Quebec/New England border, went on his Radio-X show to proclaim that he is a hat hater.  “Stray cats have no business on the street...So bang! I accelerate.”  It gets better and by better I mean worse.  “The other day I backed up over a newborn and I’m sure it didn’t feel a thing...The pickup passed over him like it was nothing.”

Canada's Horrible Mayors: A Bestiary

I feel the same way.  Except about hipsters.  I hope Mayor Gendron jay walks in front of me in Hintonburg, Ottawa.  


6250...Cabinet/Senate/Picture/1000 Words


6249...Canada Is Full

No more immigrants.

That is the David Suziki point of view as revealed to the French page turner L'Express.

I just flew from Ottawa to Edmonton.

Mr. Suziki is wrong.

Canada is empty.

Real empty.

A suggestion.

Next time you fly across Our Home And Native Land skip the movie and the foodies and look out the window.

Then you will realize how wrong you are.

Yer welcome.


Tuesday, July 16, 2013

6248...The Golden Age Of TV Continues

Season debut of Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo tommorrow on TLC.

Quality TV on your flat screen, smart phone or lap top.

Tomorrow turned out to be as promised.  Wunnerful.


6247...New Dr. Phil Book

Found this on Facebook.

Soon to be on the shelves at Chapters, Costco and Wal-Mart.


6246...Mr. Marilyn Monroe Has Big Day

In 1941 Joe DiMaggio's hitting streak hit 56.  56 consecutive games with a hit.

Possibly, probably, the most unbreakable of all sports records.


6245...Cartoon Worth 1000 Words

Greg Perry in the house.


6244...Pipsqueak Poilievre Is Now Honourable

That sh*t sticks for ever, eh?  Like when it all goes wrong and he is a greeter at Wal-Mart or chasing carts at Costco he will still be the Honourable Pierre Poilievre.

Pierre Poilievre

My real world and Facebook friend Warren Kinsella put it best in the Sun today when he wrote "Pipsqueak Poilievre...one of the Conservative Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Like the Biblical Horsemen, everything he says and does is bad. Everything that is good that he touches withers and dies."

To think that our beloved Prime Minister Stephen Harper dropped the truly Honourable Stephen Fletcher of Winnipeg to make room for this clown.


Monday, July 15, 2013

6243...Little Sh*t AKA Skippy A Cab Minister?

You may have read that our beloved Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, is shuffling the chairs in his cabinet.  The Huffington Post says that Pierre Poilievre is expected to become Honourable sometime this weak, oh, Freudian slip, week.

pierre poilievre

The MP for Barrhaven, a south western burb of your capital, is well known for being a rabid partisan.  His addition to the cabinet is a reward for being such.  "University of Ottawa political scientist Robert Asselin...told HuffPost...Poilievre’s promotion, however, was the worst thing that could happen."  Not holding back Mr. Asselin, an adviser to Justin Trudeau, went on to say that "...unfortunately if they send someone like Poilievre and they reward an attack dog and someone who spins and has no views of his own, I think it just re-enforces the spokesperson paradigm that being a minister you don’t take decisions, you just go on TV and say whatever PMO (Prime Minister’s Office) tells you to say."


Sunday, July 14, 2013

6242...Happy Bastille Day!!!

You thought I would miss it, eh?

Almost, almost.

Thanks to my Facebook and real world buddy, Bob Rae, for the tip.


6241...More Fla Court Fun

Not saying they are racist or anything, but...

Thanks to my Facebook and real world friend Don Negrodamus.


6240...The Irony Of Zimmerman

The whole Canuckistanian media world has its panties in a knot over George Zimmerman getting off even though he killed Trayvon Martin.  Racist USA and all that, eh?

The irony is that cases like this, a white guy improperly killing a tinted person, happens all the time in Canada, specifically Western Canada.

Of course we all know that there are two things Canadians hate:  racists and Indians.  Sad but true.


Saturday, July 13, 2013

6239...Where's That Rob Ford Video?

U know the one of him getting high with his home boys.

Things that make me go hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

He's gonna win again, eh.


6238...Ban The Burqua

The Telegraph drops the knowledge that "Holland is to become the latest European country to ban the burka, despite the fact that fewer than 100 Dutch women are thought to wear the face-covering Islamic dress."

Netherlands to ban the burka

Apparently this law was promulgated yesterday.  "Women caught wearing a burka in public, on the streets, public transport and in schools or hospitals will be fined £330.  There will be exemptions for mosques, or other religious buildings and for foreign women travelling through the transit lounges of international Dutch airports."