Saturday, June 30, 2012

4818...Toronto Still A Bush League City Er Town

Rob Ford is a case in point.  He is the morbidly obese mayor of Toronto, Canada's Cincinnati.

He is in trouble again.  Apparently this time he was rude to a street car driver and may have even broken a traffic law or two.

In Toronto this is what both passes for a scandal and as an impeachable offense.

Geez guys you try so hard to do big city things but you really cannot.  Look at Kwame Kirkpatrick in Detroit.  A stripper died in the mayor's mansion.  He got involved in a huge sexting scandal.  Plus he ended up a resident of a federal prison.

That's a scandal.  Your guy cut off a street car.

In Ottawa, the last mayor Larry O'Brien, got accused of this that and the other thing and had to be exonerated by a judge and twelve of his peers.

That's a scandal.  Your guy cut off a street car.

In Montreal all the mayors since the beginning of the beginning have been accused of everything but cutting off a street car.

That's a scandal.  Your guy cut off a street car.

You try too hard Toronto, too hard.


4817...Most Direct Facebook Request Ever

Hi Dan,
David Bertschi has invited you to like his page David Bertschi.
View Page
The Facebook Team


4816...Senator Pony Tail Has Hit The Mattresses

 According to The Ottawa Citizen Senator Patrick Brazeau missed work again today.

Don't worry, his job is safe; he is due to have to resign about 2050.

He has also de Twitted his Twitter account.

Coz that is the real problem.


Friday, June 29, 2012

4815...Big Question For MP Dean Del Mastro

What country should our beloved Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, exile his Parliamentary Assistant to?

Input please.

I am partial to Mongolia.


4814...Dean Del Mastro Problem Solved

I don't know why I didn't think of this before.

I also don't know why you didn't think of this before either Stephen Harper.

I know you know that Dean Del Mastro, also known as El Roundo, has been caught in a big lie and breaking the law and it is only a matter of time until he gets his just desserts.

You, our beloved Prime Minister, can pre empt Mr. Del Mastro's pending humiliation by tearing a page out of the Jean Chretien play book.

Make El Roundo an ambassador.

Not to an important country like Russia or Italy or The States.  No, there are lots of non important countries, Mongolia pops into my mind immediately, that you could appoint him to.  

Just make sure they have good food.  And lots of it.

Another problem solved.

You are welcome.


4813...RIM Dies On June 29

Not this June 29 though; the one five years ago.

That was the day Apple rolled out the I Phone.


4812...Football Tonight

The house league that is the Canadian Football League starts tonight.

Truly is there anything more manly than heavily muscled men on steroids wearing plastic hats trying to kill each other?

I think not.


4811...Winnipeg Is The Toughest Town Ever

Not only does the home of the Jets have a wee problem with drive bys, murder and arson but now it has an Alfred Hitchcock twist.

Killer birds.

The reports that "For the past three weeks, a handful of crows have been dive-bombing from a nest in the city’s east-end, attacking unsuspecting residents, dog walkers and their pets in an overzealous attempt to protect young chicks."  It has got so bad that Canada Post, you know the we deliver come rain, sleet, snow, etc people, have decided to hold back their mail men until this thing clears up.

That is just another thing that makes Winnipeg the toughest town ever.


Thursday, June 28, 2012

4810...Jokers To The Left, Jokers To The Right

Welcome to Regime Stephen Harper.  Our beloved Prime Minister's Parliamentary Secretary, Dean Del Mastro, El Roundo to his friends, is not just a big rule breaker when it comes to campaign donations but  he is crappy at it.

Andy Radia of Yahoo breaks down what he did.  What the MP for Peterborough did was he got his cousin David Del Mastro of  Deltro Electric Ltd. of Mississauga to get a bunch of his employees to give El Roundo donations of a grand after he, Mr. David Del Mastro had given them a grand plus a fifty for their trouble.  Plus they get a tax reciept which is tax credit of about 650$ which means they get about seven bills for their effort.  Nice work if you can get it.

Here's the deal.  Dean Del Mastro is not the first guy to come up with this master plan in the Conservative Party.  If he was a Liberal he would not be the first guy to come up with this master plan.  Or a Bloc, a Dipper, a Socred; you get my drift.

Nor, I predict, will he be the last.  It's just too easy to pull off if you aren't sloppy about it.

He is the first though to screw it up so very spectacularly.


4809...Sen Brazeau Poster Boy For Electing Sens

Wow, this clown is just the bully of all bullies.

Earlier this year he is a five to one fave with BoDog and gets spanked by Justin Trudeau, who grew up on the mean streets of Rockcliffe, sorta calls a reporter a female dog coz she calls him out for playing hooky from his oh-so-easy job and now this.

According to APTN, The Aboriginal People's Television Network, Senator Pony Tail has an ongoing legal problem resulting from him allegedly being way too hands on at work and he has "...been quietly fighting in Federal Court for over a year involving a former junior staffer with an Aboriginal organization and allegations of “drunk” sexual harassment."

A bully and a stereotype.  

The junior staffer, Alisa Lombard, is now a lawyer and she is some pissed.  The events emerged from "...from one alcohol-drenched office Christmas party on Dec. 20, 2007..." at a dump called Caps in Vanier which is the ghetto of Ottawa.

There is a silver lining though.  Senator Brazeau is due to retire in 2050.


4808...Darren Frost On The Boy Scout Scandal

did you know boy scouts go up till age 26..WTF what badges do you get at age 26 ... how to get shitkicked with dignity in your uniform... how to tie a knot in the end of a condom if it breaks and you only have one. How to beat off an older "leader" who offers you badges to come and sleep in the tent with him. Sorry the last one is for any age

4807...Tories Anti Union; Pro Making People Poor

That is not a surprise.  Buffalo Tim Hudak may as well be an American.

CTV News reported yesterday that "The Tories released their second policy "white paper" Wednesday that says provincial rules should be changed to block the mandatory paycheque deductions of union dues, and give workers the option of not joining a union in workplaces with collective agreements."

There are over twenty, two zero, right to work states in the United States that, as the Tories freely admit, offer
 lower-wages and lower-benefits.

How this benefits Ontario workers is beyond me.  Sure you save a G a year in union dues but you go from making 25 bills an hour to 10.25.

Interestingly the most successful unions in North America are the sports unions.  For example Maurice Richard, the greatest Hab ever, made 18 K in 1960, which is less than 100 K in today's shekels.  If he was playing today he would be making a lot more, millions.  That is because of the union.


4806...NBA Draft Is Tonight

Anthony Davis, Bow To The Brow, the University of Kentucky frosh centre, is going first overall to New Orleans' Hornets.

I am projected to go late in the first round, early second.

Of course Toronto will, as per usual, screw up their picks in the draft.


4805...Speaking Of Dicks: Hudak In Ottawa

He was on Steve Madely's morning show on 580 CFRA this morning.

Buffalo Tim Hudak, the man who woulda, coulda and shoulda been Premier of all Ontarioians was moaning about the dude who kicked his sorry butt, Dalton McGuinty.

For those that forget what happened last fall, Mr. Wannabe had a twenty point lead heading into the election and in a move imitated later by Wildrose's Danielle Smith in Alberta totally screwed it up.


4804...Domestic Penis News

The Halifax Chronicle-Herald is proud to tell the world that a Liverpool, Nova Scotia man who's fiance  bit his penis during an argument is going to jail for 7 years.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot this part.  33 year old James Leopold strangled his 47 year old fiance, Laura Lee Robertson, by accident according to what he told the judge.  Strangled her dead and then ditched the bod' in the forest.

He is not a murderer per se; he is a manslaughterer.


Wednesday, June 27, 2012

4803...Senator Pony Tail Ain't Telling

Why he missed so many sessions of the Senate.

And, seriously sports fans, why should he?

It is Cash-For-Life.


4802...Mike Tyson Update

His one man show hits Broadway next month.

Just trying to help you plan your vac kay.

I am skipping Manhattan this year; I am going to Balconville.



College football in going to have a champion.

Starting in 2014/15 the NCAA is going to have a Final Four for football.

A true champion will be crowned.


4800...Biggest Day Ever In Winnipeg History

It was on this day forty years ago that the Golden Jet flew north to Winnipeg to become the first big star to join the World Hockey Association.

Bobby Hull was lured to Manitoba with a 2,500,000.00 ten year deal which gave the league instant cred.


4799...Mitt Romney Will Create Jobs

So sez Vice President Joe Biden.

The Veep says that "You gotta give Mitt Romney credit.  He's a job creator.  In Singapore, China, India."

Mr. Biden will be here all week.  Don't forget to try the veal.  And be sure to tip your waitress.


4798...Here Is Why Sen Brazeau Flipped Out

Y'see the dude just doesn't show up for work.  People who have to show up for work, like his target, Jennifer Ditchburn of The Canadian Press, are not impressed by that.  So she pointed it out.  It did not sit well with Senator Ponytail.

Terry Milewski, CBC TV, reported on The National last night that Ms. Ditchburn wrote that "... he missed a quarter of all Senate sittings in the past year and 65 percent of meetings of the Aboriginal Affairs Committee on which he sits."

By the way there is absolutely nothing anyone can do about it.



4797...Ric Flair Update

WCNC  reports that Ric The Nature Boy Flair's 73rd wife turned on him Monday evening shortly after cocktail hour.  Or, as it is called at the Flair household, blackout hour.

He was allegedly assaulted by his wife, Jacqueline Beems, Monday at their Charlotte area condo. ocal police were called to the residence following an alleged altercation, but no one was arrested or taken to a hospital.

He is a Republican.  That is American for Stephen Harper.


4796...Vice President Bobby Jindal

Listen Barack Obama is no shoe in for re election as POTUS.

If Mitt Romney wins it is my opinion that Governor Bobby Jindal of Louisiana will be his Veep.

Governor Jindal is a two-fer, may be even a three-fer.  He is brown, East Indian to be precise, he is from the South and he is young.  Plus he is Roman Catholic which makes him a four-fer.

You read it hear first.  Well may be not first.  But you did read it here.


4795...Chad Johnson Is Back

No more Ochocinco.

And he is now with Miami.

Career fading to black.


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

4794...NatPost Castigates&Misquotes SenBrazeau

First off I agree with the old Stephen Harper.  The Senate should be like the Yankee Senate.

Elected and Equal and one other E that I forget.


Senator Patrick Brazeau is the poster boy for an elected Senate.  I am no fan of his.  This cash-for-lifer is being headlined in The National Post for, well, you have made it this far, you can read

Senator Patrick Brazeau calls journalist a bitch after she reports his poor attendance record

Except he did not really call her that


Close but no cigar.  

Frankly I expect better from The National Post.

Don't get me wrong, I dislike Senator Brazeau as much as they do but, geez, don't do the old switcheroo with his words.


4793...I Want To Get Fired

Just like Anne Curry of NBC's Today Show.

The New York Post, citing the gossip site TMZ, is reporting that NBC News is ready to give Ms. Curry 10,000,000.00 USD to jump ship.

She has been host of the floundering morning show for a year and with the program as talent for fifteen.


4792...I Am Going To Live Forever

Time Magazine reports on a study from the University of Texas at Austin, Hook 'em Horns, that says that drinkers liver, er, live longer than non fun people.

The twenty year study on subjects 55 to 65 "...found that mortality rates were highest for those who had never had a sip, lower for heavy drinkers, and lowest for moderate drinkers who enjoyed one to three drinks per day."

Remember now, beer is not just for breakfast.


4791...100 Pound Scrotum

I am not certain what the average scrotum weighs but one would think that it is a tad less than 100 pounds, like about 100 pounds less than 100 pounds.

Which is what has turned Wesley Warren of Las Vegas into a bit of a rock star.  Mr. Warren has a 100 poundish scrotum.  The Las Vegas Review-Journal reports that Mr. Warren has had the problem with his junk since '08.  Dr. Oz, the TV doctor, has offered to take care of the problem but, inexplicably to me, Mr. Warren has declined.  His reasoning is that he doesn't want to give up the rights to his story.  Plus he is due to go on Howard Stern any day now.

Personally I would rather be less famous and a hundred pounds lighter.  Then again I already am World Famous.


4790...Simon Cowell Likes Justin Trudeau

Well, actually I would think the American Idol star doesn't know Justin Trudeau but if he did he would like him.

You know why?  Coz JT has the X Factor.  That je ne sais quoi that makes men envy him and women moist.

That is why it is a no brainer to have him lead our party out of the wilderness.


4789...Happy Birthday To The Toothbrush

It was invented on this day in 1498.

In China of course.

It is expected to be rolled out in England any day now.


4788...Don't Stay In School

That is what someone should have told Ohio State baller Jared Sullinger this time last year.

The man is finishing his sophmore year and if he had of come out last year he was a lottery pick.

This year he isn't even invited to the NBA draft which means he has fallen out of the top 15.

Translation:  that second year of learning at The Ohio State University has cost him about five million dollars.


4787...Rob Ford Pride Update

The Toronto mayor is in the news yet again for blowing off the Gay Pride Parade in the Big Smoke.

Um, like, uh, he does this every year eh?  It's on Canada Day this year [may be every year; one thing I don't like about Pride is that there is not a fixed date like Christmas, Halloween, Valentine's Day...] and he ain't going.

Rosie DiManno in this morning's Toronto Star says that "Mayor Rob Ford's pass on Pride simply dumb."  The WFDS says that it is not.

Look I know a gazillion people go to the parade but the only people at the parade that are going to be voting for Hizzoner come election day are the cops guarding the damn thing.

I realize that the chattering classes in Toronto think that they have this delightful and inclusive city that just wants to hug everyone.  Well they don't.  And the non huggers vote for Rob Ford.  Y'all gotta keep in mind that Toronto is just Peterborough with bigger buildings.


4786...Scary Facts From Stephen Harper's Canada

The Ontario Provincial Police say that the average Canadian is on camera eight times a day.

Slightly higher for Peter Mansbridge.

Slightly lower for monks.


Monday, June 25, 2012

4785...RIM/Blackberry Sinking Like The Bismarck

Lowest numbers in eons for RIM stock.

Eon = 2003.

Story in The Hamilton Spectator quotes Morgan Stanley as saying the company is "essentially broken".

I guess the question I have for the Blackberry is it going to go the way of the Bone Phone and the Walkman or is it going to rise again?


4784...Dean Del Mastro Update

Nothing out there about El Roundo today.

Methinks it is only time before he is back selling Suziki's.

Isn't that ironic?


4783...Everyone Loves Elizabeth May

Except for me.

At least I am consistent.



4782...Ottawa Summer: Hypothermia

Friday it was about 40 with the humidex and all that; 100 plus American.

Today's headline at CFRA Online is

                                              Kayaker Treated for Hypothermia



4781...One More Round Of Fireworks

It all goes so fast, eh?

Victoria Day, St. Jean Baptiste and in less than a week Canada Day.

Boom, boom et boom.


Sunday, June 24, 2012

4780...Italy Beats England In Soccer

How do I know?

Did I watch the game?


No, I live off Preston Street which is the epicentre for all that is Italian in Ottawa.

Every Italian in the city has rolled into my 'hood to blow their horn and yell out of their cars.

If they had only put that much effort into World War Two.


4779...Ottawa U Grad Has Heart Attack

That would be Alec Trebek.

The 71 year old Jeopardy host is resting comfortably at Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles.


4778...Happy Jean Baptiste Day/Fete National

For those of you from the ROC let me make you aware that today is the big summer holiday in La Belle.

Being from and in Ottawa gives me the advantage of having two national holidays.

How cool is that, eh?


Saturday, June 23, 2012

4777... Sandusky: From Penn State To State Pen

Found guilty yesterday on 45 of 48 counts of molesting boys.

The former Penn State defensive guru was immediately taken into custody.  It is probable that he will get a million zillion years and die in jail.

As the mother of one of the victims told The Associated Press:  "Nobody wins.  We all lost."


4776...If She Could Have Kept Her Pants On

She would be Prime Minister someday.

She is Belinda Stronach and her adulterous affair with Tie Domi ended her shot at the beeg prize.  She is still a superstar and has been noted as such by The National Post's The Worthy 30.

Belinda Stronach
Twitter @BelindaStronach
Age: 46
Occupation: Chairman of Acasta Capital Inc.
More than meets the eye. Always. Your personality in 140 characters or less Always moving. As Neil Young says, “rust never sleeps.” Dream dinner guests Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Michelle Bachelet, Mary Robinson, Michealle Jean, Hillary Clinton … and Ryan Gosling. Guilty pleasureLe Gourmand chocolate chip cookies. Words to live by “If any of you happens to see an injustice, you are no longer a spectator, you are a participant. And you have an obligation to do something” — June Callwood. Favourite movie How about favourite documentary? Christy Turlington’s No Woman, No Cry on the challenges to maternal health throughout the world. Who would play you in a movie Rick Mercer. Your greatest extravagance Time — someone who used to work with me said I would try to bend it to my will. Dream Vacation Skiing with my kids. The trait you most value in others Loyalty. The quality you most value in yourselfPositivity. A person living or dead you most admire My dad.

And yes if she was a man it wouldn't have made any difference.  There is a double standard.


4775...Worst College Roomie Ever

It has to be Morgan State's Alexander Kinyua.  He is 21 and he has admitted to murdering his roommate Kujoe Bonsafo Agyei-Kodie.

The Baltimore Sun reports that the malfeasance was discovered by Mr. Kinyua's brother Monday last.  The brother found a head and two hands in a tin in the basement of their parent's home.  When the cops showed up to arrest Mr. Kinyua things got really freaky.  Mr. Kinyua not only admitted stabbing Mr. Agyei-Kodie to death but he also told the po po that he ate part of his brain and his heart.  

With flava beans one would hope.  


4774...Jack Layton's Legacy Enhanced Today

The Montreal Gazette reports that today is the day that former NDP leader Jack Layton's memory is going to be honoured today in his toney hometown of Hudson.   Today is the day that Jack Layton Park will be christened.  How cool is that, eh? 

"Speakers at the official opening of the park, formerly known as the Hudson marina on Halcro St. on the shores of the Lake of Two Mountains, will include members of the Layton family, opposition leader Thomas Mulcair, Vaudreuil-Soulanges MP Jamie Nicholls, Vaudreuil MNA Yvon Marcoux, 'as well as other surprises.'"

FYI Hudson is about 30 minutes west of the West Island part of Montreal.


4773...NDP Are Number One In Canada

That is what "The national survey commissioned by Postmedia News and Global TV..."  

38 per cent.

The Liberals, they be sh*tting the bed bigtime.


4772...This Should Be A Holiday For Police

 Len Berman's That's Sports informs me that on this day in 1847 a Dutch sea captain invented the doughnut.


4771...The Students' Demos In MTL = Fail

They had me, they had progressives and they even had Pauline Marois and her gang on their side for the longest time.

What they didn't do was read Sun Tzu's The Art of War.

Sieges never work.

Y'all need an end game.


Friday, June 22, 2012

4770...She Cut Off His Penis: Then Things Got Bad

Move over Lorena Bobbit, the late night talk show punchline of two decades ago, you have been topped.

Reuters reports that Catherine Kieu Becher, a 48-year-old Garden Grove, California woman, allegedly cut off her husband's penis on Monday night. She's being accused of one of the most horrific plans ever concocted, after her husband was found by police tied to the bed, covered in blood.
She's accused of drugging his food, tying him to the bed and just as he was waking up, slicing off his penis with a 10-inch kitchen knife. Then she allegedly tossed his severed organ into the garbage disposal and turned it on.

He's expected to survive but, obviously the 51 year old unnamed man's life in altered.  She is being held in jail on a million dollars bail and if convicted she could get life which in Cali means l i f e.


4769...Another Paper Dies

You know and I know and we know that this time next century paper newspapers will be few and far between.

Earlier this month Postmedia, they run papers like The Ottawa Citizen, The National Post and a host of others, announced that Sunday's are no more broadsheet days.  Earlier this year one of the most venerable papers in the South, The New Orleans Times-Picayune, announced it was going to be an online rag from now on.

Today The Globe and Mail online reported that "Quebecor Inc.’s Sun Media division is shutting down the Montreal Mirror, the city’s last remaining English alternative weekly newspaper."  Earlier this year Hour Community, another Anglo alt paper was shuttered.  Up the line in Ottawa the weekly X-Press bit the dust.

This raises the question:  what will I line my bird cage with a century from now?


4768...Thomas Mulcair Is The Alienator

First he alienates the West, then Bay Street, now it is the people of India.

In yesterday's Globe and Mail there was a note from India’s High Commissioner to Canada Shashishekhar Gavai that Mr. Gavai sent to the Dipper Grand Pubba dissing him for refering to an internal Indian security operation as a massacre.

Seriously, how can you not love Thomas Mulcair?  He is going to rebuild the NDP into the party of Tommy Douglas:  perennial third and fourth place finishers.


4767...Karla Homolka Re Surfaces

Paula Todd has found and written a book about Canada's Sweetheart Karla Homolka.

The National Post opens their piece in yesterday's online paper thus:

A new e-book says Karla Homolka is now a mother of three living in the Caribbean.
The publishers of Finding Karla say the 46-page book by journalist Paula Todd details Homolka’s new life as a wife and mother.
A news release about the book says Todd, following an obscure lead, boarded a plane to the island of Guadeloupe this spring.
She subsequently tracked down Homolka and spent an hour in the convicted killer’s apartment.
I am not a hater; she made a deal with the Crown who couldn't get her husband Paul Bernardo without her, she did her time.  The only real question I have is "How lax are the immigration policies in Guadeloupe?"


Thursday, June 21, 2012

4766...LeBron Haters Beware

Five to go and the Heat are up by 20.

King James is getting his ring.

His first ring.


4765...Speaking Of Ooooops

My friend Kim Brunhuber posted a thingy on Facebook about a big oops.

Apparently The Ottawa Citizen, which, allegedly, is the better of the three dailies serving your capital, made a wee error:

The Earth orbits around the Sun, not the Moon.  Incorrect information appeared in a story on Page A1 in Wednesday's Citizen.


4764...Ooooops Today Is Aboriginal Day

Hey, at least I know the earth revolves around the sun, eh?


4763...El Roundo Tells A Nose Stretcher

It's all over the Postmedia papers.  Stephen Maher and Glen McGregor are writing about the man of the hour, our beloved Prime Minister's parliamentary secretary, said yesterday that "...said Wednesday he was unaware of a media report alleging a reimbursement scheme for donations made to his 2008 election campaign."

El Roundo, seriously, if I know about it, you gotta know about it.  

Or perhaps you were on a food bender and missed reading the paper or your clipping service or notes from your staff for the last few days.

More likely you are lying.

The Ottawa Citizen and Postmedia reported last Friday allegations that employees of Deltro Electric Ltd. and their friends made $1,000 donations to Del Mastro's campaign and were paid back $1,050 by the company. One former employee signed a statutory declaration naming those alleged to have participated in the scheme.
Deltro owner David Del Mastro emphatically denied the allegations. Four people who each gave $1,000 to the campaign also denied they'd been reimbursed when contacted.
In his brief remarks on Wednesday — his first public comments since the donation story — Dean Del Mastro said: "I see lots of silly stories out there every day. What's that have to do with me?"
Let's deconstruct that last sentence.  If it is about you it is about you.  


4762...Crandall University Hates On Gays

Coz they are un Christian.  The gays, not the Christians at Crandall University who are hating on gays.  As if prejudice was Christian.

CBC Moncton reports that the Christian liberal arts school in that sleepy little town is more than happy to take tax dollars, even though some of those tax dollars, one in ten I would presume, come from homosexuals.  But they sure ain't going to hire a you-know-what.

It is folks like the management at Crandall University that give Christians like me a bad name.


4761...Fur Coats Made Out Of Dalmations

How cool, eh?

And warm.

PETA spokesman Wendy Wegner told that a Dalmation fur coat would go great with the Christian Louboutin python snakeskin boots that Kim Kardashian wore the other day while hitting the stores in Paris, France with her beau Kanye West.

How kind of Ms. Wegner to offer Ms. Kardashian fashion tips.


4760...Ralph Kramden Meet Dean Del Mastro

Were they separated at birth?


4759...Brain Drain

Love him or envy him one has to admit that Ben Mulroney is a pretty decent talking head.

Now the star of Canuckistanian TV is taking his talent to America, the land of opportunity.

It is widely reported that the scion of the most pure laine PM in our history is going to be weaving his magic for ABC out of New York.



Wednesday, June 20, 2012

4758...Bev Oda Kicking And Screaming

Huffington Post Canada reports that Bev Oda is going to get kicked out of Cabinet well before the snow falls in Canada.

The limo loving, high living, sixteen dollar orange juice swigging minister of International Cooperation is supposed to retire, saving face for everyone.

She told the Huff Post that she ain't retiring today or anytime for that matter.

She is like a mobster; she is addicted to the life.

Good for her; bad for Canada.


4757...I Am Looking Forward To Hell


If one person told me it was as hot as hell in Ottawa today, 100 did.

I am rather fond of the fact, as my dear friend and future Liberal MP Rachel Decoste points out, that your capital was warmer than Honolulu 27C; Athens 29C; Acapulco 31C; Kingston, Jamaica 32C; Cairo 35C; Nairobi 25C; Dakar 30C.


4756...The Devil Is In The Details

Case in point comes from your local Apple Store via

Before Apple stores open in the morning, employees use an iPhone app to ensure that each MacBook screen is opened to exactly the same angle. Writing at, Carmine Gallo, author of The Apple Experience, claims that "the main reason notebook computers screens are slightly angled is to encourage customers to adjust the screen to their ideal viewing angle… in other words, to touch the computer!" (According to the URL in Forbes, it's a 70 degree angle, but Gallo isn't specific in the text of the column.) "How Apple Store Seduces You With the Tilt of Its Laptops"

McDonald's, Apple, The NFL:  they get it.


4755...Saddest Baseball Story Of The Year

May be ever.  

As if Brien Taylor’s story wasn’t sad enough when injuries from a bar fight turned him from elite pitching prospect to bust, the former Yankees No. 1 overall pick has been indicted on three counts of distributing crack cocaine.
Taylor is now 40 years old and the Associated Press reports that he was indicted in North Carolina following a March arrest for allegedly “selling large quantities of cocaine and crack cocaine to an undercover narcotics agent over a span of several months.”
He’s two decades removed from getting a $1.55 million signing bonus and Taylor ranked No. 1 and No. 2 on Baseball America‘s annual prospect list in 1992 and 1993. He never pitched in the majors and in fact never even made it to Triple-A.

From NBC Sports.


4754...Happy National Aboriginal Day

Unless of course you are an Aboriginal.

Coz if you are an Aboriginal you are more likely to be poor, homeless, in jail, undernourished and undereducated.

While you are all of the above and more your leaders are busy fussing over treaties that were signed a zillion years ago and are never going to be enforced.  Oh, yeah, and they are also trying to figure out whether they should have white or red with their meals.

True dat.


Tuesday, June 19, 2012

4753...Wife Swapping In Ottawa

According to The Ottawa Citizen, relayed to me by Milky, the mid day guy at BOB FM in Ottawa, Kanata, a sleepy suburb of the sleepiest big city in the world, is the wife swapping/swinging mecca of your capital.

Apparently these wife swapping parties are not all they seem to be.

My cousin, who lives in Kanata, told me he went with his wife to one of those parties and said he was disappointed coz he wanted to trade her for a snowmobile cover but nooooooooooooo...


4752...Pass This On To Stephen Harper Please

As those of you who know me are aware when not reading old editions of Sports Illustrated I have an intellectual side.  

With that in mind I want my Tory friends, that would be you Dan Colterman, to send this over to our beloved Prime Minister.  Please remind him that over 150 years ago, in a book aptly titled House of the Dead, Fyodor Dostoevsky wrote that "...the degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons..."

You want to talk about bad prisons?  Just check into Innes Road in Ottawa, 20 minutes east of Stephen Harper's crib.  The Ottawa-Carleton Regional Detention Centre make Guantanamo Bay look like a frigging spa.


4751...If It Is About Winning It Is Justin Trudeau

If it is about being right, may be not.

But it is supposed to be about winning, right?


4750...Muhammad Ali Update

From my buddy Len Berman comes this gem about The Greatest:

It turns out Muhammad Ali's grandson got bar mitzvahed several weeks back in Philadelphia. Ali's daughter Khaliah married a Jewish man and the champ was on hand when his grandson was called to the Torah. It's not difficult to imagine Ali as a Jewish grandfather: Plotz over buttermilk, sing like a Heeb.
C'est cool, eh?


Monday, June 18, 2012

4749...Travis Baumgartner

He is the alleged murderer and thief who killed three fellow G4S Cash Solutions guards, uh, allegedly, and totally messed up a fourth.

He also nicked a tad over 300,000.00 in currency.

So here is the part I don't get.  Dude, I get what you were thinking when you shot your co-workers and stole the money.  What I don't get is your plan to cross into America without a passport in your own damn truck with your momma's plates on it.  


Like didn't your truck have a radio, didn't you know that the whole world was looking for your murderous thiefing ass?  One would think that hiding out ala John Dillinger would have been the smart move.

Thankfully you didn't think it all the way through.



4748...Quote Of The Day From Stephen Harper

My Facebook friend Mike Rilstone passes these bon mots from our beloved Prime Minister:

When a government
starts trying to cancel
or avoid dissent it's
rapidly losing its
moral authority to

True dat.


4747...NDP Cockblocking For The Stephen Harpers

It is in Monday's Ottawa Citizen.  "The Conservatives and NDP signalled Monday that they are unlikely to agree with a Liberal motion to bring Dean Del Mastro before the ethics committee to answer questions about his election expenses."

This guy, Mr. Del Mastro, has been caught.  Caught.  But for some reason the Dippers are helping the Stephen Harpers help this liar cover his tracks.



4746...100 Million Dollar Man

Glenn Beck.

The New York Times is reporting that conservative talk show host Glenn Beck, who was making 10 million a year, has just inked a new 5-year, $100 million dollar deal with syndicator Premiere Networks.

He is on 400 stations.

Big difference between Canuck radio and Yankee radio is that they have freedom of speech down there; here we have the CSBC.

More on those fascists later.


Sunday, June 17, 2012

4745...Rodney King Is Dead

Younger than I thought too, 47.

The Globe and Mail leads with this via Reuters and The Associated Press:

Rodney King, the black motorist whose 1991 videotaped beating by Los Angeles police officers was the touchstone for one of the most destructive race riots in the nation's history, was found at the bottom of his swimming pool early Sunday and later pronounced dead. He was 47. 

Say a prayer.


4744...Woman With 2 Vaginas Turns Down Million

Pretty difficulty headline to resist, eh?

Hazel Jones is the 27 year olds name and she has become a bit of a an etoile in Merry Ole England.

She was on the ITV breakfast show This Morning earlier in the week and all over the scurrilous bird cage liners that I enjoy reading.

Turns out that the lovely lass was born with two vaginas and all the accompanying plumbing that goes with.

Upon hearing of Ms. Jones and her condition Vivid Entertainment stepped up to the plate and offered her one million Yankee greenbacks to appear in an adult film.

She said no.



Saturday, June 16, 2012

4743...It Is The End Of The World As We Know It

Joey Stalin, Nicky Lenin and Gus Hall must be spinning in their tombs.

NPR's Planet Money reports that "The German bank Sparkasse Chemnitz recently launched a Karl Marx credit card."

These are the end daze.


4742...Celebrity Stalking In Ottawa Saturday Morn

Former Ottawa CBC TV personality The World Famous Dan Shields will be appearing in front of the Metro on Bank Street Saturday from 10 til he gets bored collecting food for people poorer than him.  This is not random; the food is going to the Ottawa Food Bank.

He will, of course, have a Sharpie with him and will be wearing his Liberal red sombrero.

Yasir Naqvi, who is the organizer of this event, will also be there.  Presumably the Ottawa Centre Liberal MPP will be sans sombrero.


Thursday, June 14, 2012

4741...Looks Like PM's Ethics Point Man Is Crook

"[Dean] Del Mastro, who often defends the government on ethical questions in his role as parliamentary secretary for Prime Minister Stephen Harper, is under investigation by Elections Canada for allegedly exceeding his spending and donation limit in the 2008 election, offences punishable by a fine of up to $5,000 and up to five years in prison."

That is what the story in The Ottawa Citizen says.  Mr. Del Mastro, a well known buffet destroyer, has been caught red handed but continues to deny, deny and lie.

The porcine MP from Peterpatch promised last week to come forth with documents this week that will show that he is not a crook.  BTW, we are quickly running out of this week.
What a tangled web you weave Mr. Del Mastro.  


4740..."Have you stopped beating your wife yet?"

That's what David Stern, the commish of the NBA, talking smack, asked Jim Rome on today's The Jim Rome Show, heard in Ottawa on The Team 1200.


Deadspin reports that Mr. Stern was responding to Mr. Rome's asking if the NBA Draft Lottery was fixed.


4739...Happy Birthday Mr. Vice President

No not Joe Biden.

It is sixteen candles plus for the man who wants to be Mitt Romney's Veep, Donald Trump.

I hope someone got him a new toupee for his birthday.


4738...Liberal Party Of Canada Makes Beeg Error

Mike Crawley, he is the president, er, President, of the Liberal Party of Canada, sent me an email this morning.

In that missive he told me that the leadership convention is going to happen in April of '13.

That is an error and I will tell you why.  NHL Playoffs.  That is when they happen and nothing in Our Home And Native Land can compete with the first round of the NHL Playoffs.  Nothing.


Wednesday, June 13, 2012

4737...Bob Rae Is Out; It's Justin Trudeau's To Lose

If he wants it he should be able to get it.


4736...Quebec Has A Queen

Oh, my bad.  I should have written Quebec had a Queen.

QMI reports that "Former Lt.-Gov. Lise Thibault, accused of using taxpayer dollars as her personal spending account, wants to invoke royal prerogative to have her fraud trial annulled."  Queen LT burned thru 700k that she shouldn't have; her defense is that she was the Queen when she was Lt. Governor of La Belle so even though she was caught stealing coz she is the...ah, you get the picture.

"She faces six charges, including two counts of fraud, one count of breach of trust, fabrication of false documents and using false documents related to her 10-year reign."  Jail sounds like a viable option for her regalness.


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

4735...Madonna Being Cool

WENN reports that last week at a concert, I believe it was in Tel Aviv, Madonna flashed pictures of Martine LePen the Nazi/National Front leader in France with a swastika on her head. 

This upset Ms. LePen who is threatening to sue Madonna if she repeats the incident next month in France.

Coz our anti-semitic, anti-immigrant friend is not a Nazi y'see.

A rose, is a rose...


4734...PM Ditches 8 Year Old Daughter In Pub

Love that Brit boss David Cameron.

It appears, and all the papers have the story, that he and the missus were out for a brown pop or two at the local pub with their three kids in tow earlier this year.

When they got home an informal census revealed only two of the three children had purchased return tickets.

8 year old Nancy was in the bathroom when the Cameron clan departed from the Plough pub in the village of Cadsden and got left behind.

Not to fear; all is well.


4733...Justin Trudeau

If we want to win he is the man.

If we want to be right, not so much.

It used to be about winning, eh?


4732...Porn Stars Pick Winning Team

The new Stanley Cup champeens, the Los Angeles Kings, seem to be favoured by porn stars.

Taylor Stevens, Katie Morgan, Matthew Perry.

Just saying.


4731...Other Than That How Was The Dog Show?

Woofstock was a dog festival in Toronto, and who says that nothing happens in that town btw?, last weekend.

QMI reports that an unnamed couple from Northern Ontario, owners of a brown Lab, decided to go to the show but were too afraid to drive in the big scary city.  So they left the car at a mall in Vaughn, just north of the Big Smoke.

Good idea.

They left their dog in the car.

Bad idea.

The dog broiled to death in the hot, hot, h o t sun.

Sadly the most time the couple can be given is six months.


Monday, June 11, 2012

4730...Dean Del Mastro Wishes He Was A Yank

I will tell you why. 

He is soon to be the former MP for Peterpatch, Ontario.  He will need a job and after being an MP a cool job is the one he wants.  If Peterborough was in the States it would have four or five TV newsrooms and at least one radio talker.  He could resign in a huff and become the anchor on one of the TVs or do a phone in show and editorials on the all news station.

Sadly for Dean Del Mastro that option is not there.  There is no quick out.  He has bills, huge grocery bills for sure, to pay.  He is going to hang on to his post for dear life. 

He will walk the plank though.  He is being sued by a defunct company, Holinshed, in small claims court for a number adjacent to 25K.  Check out what Glen McGregor and Stephen Maher wrote in today's Ottawa Citizen.  "It is unclear how Del Mastro will explain why his campaign disclosed only $1,575 of work with Holinshed Research Group, and not the $21,000 in voter identification and get-out-the-vote calls the company said it made during the writ period."  Yeah Deano, what the heck is going on there?  "If the higher amount had been declared, Del Mastro’s campaign would have exceeded his campaign spending limit, a violation of the Elections Act punishable by a fine of up to $5,000 and up to five years in prison."

On the other hand in America they are wont to throw crocked pols in jail; we make them ambassadors.

You say potato and I say potato.


4729...Madonna Being Uncool

WENN reports that the pop star, who is 103 years old, flashed the crowd in Instanbul, Turkey Saturday night.

No injuries were reported.


4728...John Robson Explains Why Unions Bad

In his page of praise for Wisconsin's Tea Party governor Scott Walker, who received a resounding vote of confidence last week during the recall election the Cheesehead State had, The Ottawa Sun's John Robson says that "not firing their governor...[is] very good news for the U.S., and probably Canada too."

His thesis is that Governor Walker is a union buster and that unions are bad.

I always find it odd when those who are not of the 1 per cent support the 1 per cent.


Sunday, June 10, 2012

4727...Penn Gillette Goes Off On President Obama

One in six jailed Americans are there coz of pot.

President Obama was on Jimmy Fallon last week joking about smoking a little pot and doing a little blow.

Penn Gillette, a libertarian, makes the point that if Barack [call me Barry] Obama and his Choom Club had of got busted he would not be Prez, he would not be anything close to that.  In fact under the laws of his admin he would be a felon who spent time in prison.  Not an electable base.



How about them Devils?

Don't know what Don Cherry is saying coz I watched the game on the 'net from a feed from Russia where, amazingly, Mr. Cherry is not featured between periods but...

...I like the Devils.


4725...LeBron And Kevin

If that means something to you comment whom you think is going to be going to the jeweler.

I like LeBron.


4724...Chong Of Cheech And Chong Has Cancer

The photo hut guy from That '70s Show and half of Cheech and Chong, Tommy Chong, told CNN's Don Lemon yesterday that "I've got prostate cancer, and I'm treating it with hemp oil, with cannabis...So (legalizing marijuana) means a lot more to me than just being able to smoke a joint without being arrested."

I would think when you get at that point, or any point, staying alive is what really matters.

What think you Stephen Harper?  Vic Toews?  Thomas Mulcair?


4723...At Least Jack Layton Was Honest

Thomas Mulcair, not so forthright.

The Canadian Press reports that "NDP Leader Tom Mulcair isn't revealing how much the NDP was forced to pay back to major Canadian unions after Elections Canada found the party violated political financing laws."

We expect more from you Mr. Mulcair.


Saturday, June 9, 2012

4722...Dalton McGuinty On Beer

Imagine, an Irish Catholic that likes brown pop.

Craft breweries create a product that Ontarians enjoy and they help strengthen communities across the province at the same time. Of course the secret ingredient is the skill and passion of our craft brewers. This summer, I hope you discover a new favourite, and savour the offerings of an Ontario craft brewery near you. As for me, a lager is great in the heat. Otherwise you can’t beat an ale with some bite. Cheers.
Don't tell anyone, including my Facebook friend Dalton McGuinty, but I like beer too and I especially like cheap beer that I can find right across the river from Ottawa.


4721...Rick Jeanneret

If you are a hockey fan, especially one from Toronto, Niagara and parts in between, you surely know the name Rick Jeanneret.   

The ultimate homer, Mr. Jeanneret has been doing play by play for the Buffalo Sabres since the beginning of time and, paired with Harry Neale, forms the greatest local sports broadcasting duo on the planet.

The Buffalo News, among others, has reported that "The Hockey Hall of Fame announced Friday that Rick Jeanneret is this year's recipient of the Foster Hewitt Memorial Award for outstanding contributions as a hockey broadcaster...[he] will be recognized at the Hockey Hall of Fame as a media honoree Nov. 12 in Toronto."

Couldn't happen to a better guy.


Friday, June 8, 2012

4720...Stephen Harpers Bring Back Free Speech

Lot of hand wringing from the chattering classes.

I, on the other hand, am in favour of free speech.

Good on the Tories.


4719...President Mitt Romney

Hey after what happened in Wisconsin Tuesday his chances have improved.

In fact Bet365 has moved their betting line to reflect that.

President Obama was 200; he is now 188.


4718...What Is In The Water In Peterborough?


First we have the stronzo of stronzos Dean Del Mastro.  Sure you don't remember writing a 21,000.00 dollar cheque.  And please, step away from the buffet.

Then alleged killer, cannibal and abuser of Canada Post, Luke Magnotta.

But wait, he says, channeling Billy Mays, there is more.  I was reading a back copy of The Peterborough Examiner and this popped out at me. 

Sarah Deeth writes that "Biting a chunk of flesh from a security guard's arm during an LSD-fuelled fight was only one of many steps Derrick Bonneau took during his bid to escape arrest.The 19-year-old then faked a seizure, got police to take him to the hospital and gave officers a fake name, all while trying to beat the rap on a shoplifting charge...The trouble began Jan. 25 at Zellers on Lansdowne St. W., when a security guard caught Bonneau ripping the tags off PlayStation 3 video games and shoving the merchandise down his pants..."


4717...Homosexuals In Da News

Boy those Russians sure know how to put a damper on a party. reported that the Moscow City Court upheld on Thursday a district court’s decision to ban gay parades in Moscow for the next 100 years.

As you will see during the big footie tourney starting today our friends in Eastern Europe are not the most progressive when it comes to those people.


4716...Happy Birthday Mr. Prime Minister

The man who had the coolest summer job ever, Prime Minister of Canada, John Turner, puts another candle on the cake today.


Thursday, June 7, 2012

4715...Most Famous Man In Peterboro's History

Gotta be the [alleged] cannibal of the hour:  Luke Magnotta.

Sorry Dean Del Mastro.



4714...Bob Rae On Leadership

He is my Facebook buddy and he just FB'd me that he hasn't made up his mind.

The tension builds.

Cool, kewl.


4713...NDP Shows They Have Stones

bcblue, a blog of some sort, is all pissy coz as it turns out an NDP staffer in Winnipeg did some snooping around our top cop's business.

NDP intern also accessed Toews divorce docs at courthouse

It’s been discovered that another Manitoba NDP staffer went to the Winnipeg courthouse and took out Conservative minister Vic Toews’ divorced documents during the last federal election:
Sarah Carson appears to have accessed the court documents shortly after her internship ended. Carson no longer works for the New Democrats and was not directed to access the documents by provincial staff, Nammi Poorooshasb, the government’s director of cabinet communications said Tuesday. She may have been a volunteer for the federal New Democrats during the 2011 election, Poorooshasb added. (see here)
In earlier March, NDP organizer Thomas Linner was also ‘caught’ taking out a copy of Toews divorce docs (see here).
There is no doubt now that the NDP, through their provincial brothers and sisters were also looking to use his divorce as a smear campaign just like the Liberals (see here).
Good on you Team Thomas Mulcair.  Good on you.


4712...Guns Ou Books

According to Occupy Kingston, I know, why would you want to ocupy Kingston, anyhow, according to them free university for all would cost five billion.

The army/navy/air force costs twenty four billion.



4711...Thank Goodness For Dean Del Mastro

This guy is like a gift from the gods.

The buffet killing MP, Tory MP, from Peterboro, who is the point man re the Stephen Harper's "We're Not Crooks" campaign seems to a bit of a shyster himself.

According to Stephen Maher and Glen McGregor in today's Ottawa Citizen the verbose MP is not only a lad who over spent on his last run for the roses but he also stiffed one of his contractors, Ottawa's Hollinshed Research Group.  The main man at the defunct HRG, Frank Hall, is suing Dean Two Names for his due in Ottawa's Small Claims court.


Sunday, June 3, 2012

4710...First Jobs Flee GM; RIM Is Next

Seriously, what the heck are the Stephen Harpers doing?

My friend Frank Shillingford puts it like this re RIM;

The way that our Canadian media is single handedly destroying RIM with speculation on its future is a daunting reminder to all entrepeneurs to take your ideas to the USA as Canada is not known for leading but following. Whats happening to RIM reminds of the 88 Seoul Olympics where the media destroyed Ben Johnson. RIM made some serious product managemeny mistakes just as Corel did in the past. As far as I can see RIM is a Canadian Company employing Canadian citizens and helping with our countries economy and tax base. Handing it an additional black eye from our own media is ridiculous. Canadian media need to know where there bread is buttered in respect to Canadian companies. The loss of this tax base in Ontario will be another blow to the Ontario tax base. 4000 Jobs at and avg of 50K in salary at a marginal tax rate of 35% is a 70 million dollar loss in taxes. The economic impact to Ontario is larger.

Canada please wake up...
Stephen Harper can you hear me?


4709...Another One Turns To Dust

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.  Today's exit from the third rock is Richard Dawson.

It has been widely reported that the star of Hogan's Heroes, Family Feud and a bunch of other stuff, passed away last night in Los Angeles.

A candle will be lit.


4708...The West Is Number O N E !

In fact cities in Western Canada make up the entire top ten and seventeen outta the top twenty.

The list is the MacLean's list of the most dangerous cities in Canada.

Props to Prince George, Bee Cee for hanging on to top spot.

Poor Toronto, it so wants to be a big and scary city but it finishes 52nd and its suburbs, Peel, Halton, York do even better/worse.


4707...Facebook Seems To Like Stephen Harper


Saturday, June 2, 2012

4706...Bev Oda Been Caught Stealing

Jennifer Ditchburn of The Canadian Press reported that "International Co-operation Minister Bev Oda refused to reveal Thursday whether she has reimbursed the government for more of her international travel, after some of her expense claims were modified."

In the House of Commons Dipper MP Charlie Angus asked “She was caught hiding outrageous limo expenses. She has been caught and had to pay back for her rock star trip to London. Now we find she has been changing the travel claims for her latest round of trips...Canadians play by the rules, but the government seems to think it is above it. My simple question is, what is the minister trying to hide this time?”

The Stephen Harpers.  Cheating.  OMG.