612...Animals Banned From Circuses

The Associated Press tells us that Bolivia has enacted the world's first law that prohibits the use of animals in circuses.

All animals.

This includes flea circuses and the law, which gives operators a year to comply, was brought in on Canada Day. Animal Defenders International found widespread abuse of animals by Bolivian circuses and the London based group lobbied for the law which was sponsored by Representative Ximena Flores.

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481...Shannon Tweed

Front page news, Ottawa Sun, is Kiss bassist Gene Simmons' long time squeeze, Shannon Tweed, who was supposed to have her own day in her former home town next Wednesday, Shannon Tweed Day, has been disrespected by Ottawa City Council.

Doug Thompson is taking his turn in the rotation of acting mayors that are replacing Larry O'Brien while he's awaiting acquittal on spurious charges brought by former rival and current window licker, Terry Kilrea. One of Mayor Thompson's first moves was to declare next Wednesday Shannon Tweed Day after the former playmate, who lived in Ottawa for several years.

Cannot have that in Ottawa, OMG. As Lowell Green said on CFRA's The Lunch Bunch, we cannot have that in Ottawa because it sounds like fun.

I swear, if Toronto is New York City designed by the Swiss, Ottawa is Toronto designed by the Amish.

Former bartender, party girl and model, Miss Tweed left our city about three decades ago in search of her dream. She achieved such by becoming first a Playmate Centerfold and then Playboy's Playmate of the Year in 1982.

Councillor Jan Harder said that the honour cannot simply be bestowed on someone who is well-known and has lived in the city. "It's a frivolous use of a proclamation process to honour somebody who, quite frankly, means nothing to the city of Ottawa," said Miss Harder.

Means nothing to Ottawa?

Tell that to any man who was a boy when Miss Tweed was naked in Playboy in the early 80's. Actually, more than something. A lot more than something. And a lot more than Steve MacLean [who's dat?] who was honoured with a day in Ottawa sometime in the past. We have also had a World Laughter Day and a bunch of other crap.

Miss Tweed's big problem is that she is hot and non hotties hate hotties.

Oh, last point, Matt Crosier, the General Manager of CKCU, told me over coffee yesterday that the City of Ottawa is prohibiting Miss Tweed's boyfriend's rock ensemble from using any explosions on stage next Wednesday night.

Explosions over the Peace Tower on Canada Day, we good. Explosions at a Kiss concert, no way.

Welcome to Ottawa.

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422...Seven Nastiest Insults From The Commons

Yet my favourite, Pierre Trudeau's "Fuddle Duddle", said to the collective opposition in the House of Commons, back in 1971.

Nonetheless the list of seven, from Clips, is listed below.

1. "Sleazebag" - Former MP John Reynolds, to Liberal MP Joe Volpe. (2005).
2. "F--ing bastard." - Former prime minister Brian Mulroney, to former Liberal MP David Walker (1991).
3. "Slut" -- Former Conservative MP Bill Kempling, to Liberal MP Sheila Copps (1991).
4. "Quiet down, baby." - Former conservative minister John Crosbie, to Copps (1985).
5. "You are one bitch," - former Reform MP Ian McClelland, to Copps (1997).
6. "The honourable member from Snakeville," Former governor general and justice minister, Ray Hnatyshyn, to Liberal MP John Nunziata (mid-1980s).
7. "Little chubby little sucker," Former Reform MP Darrell Stinson, to then Conservative leader Jean Charest (1997).
8. "Sambo" -- Conservative MP Jack Shields, to NDP Howard McCurdy, then the only black MP in the Commons (1991).

I am proud to note that Sheila Copps is the reciever of three of the seven. Way to go Sheila!

I am not so proud to note that there are eight, as in 8, insults and yet the headline I was sent said seven, as in 7. Canada Day hangover I suppose.

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419...This Is Canada

July 1st, mid summer, Canada Day, hot, sticky, rainy, first day of Canadian Football League, economic crisis, festival season in Our Home And Native Land so, of course, the front page of the Ottawa Sun is

H O C K E Y

Not that we are obsessed or anything.

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417...Sleepless In Seattle; Clueless In Ottawa

The Carleton University newspaper, The Charlatan, reports in its latest birdcage liner that the idiot savants [wait, that is one too many words] who run Ottawa have decided that the price of bus tickets will go up 15 per cent today, July 1st.

In his Canada Day address to the nation, uber lefty Alex Cullen, the transit committee chair and city councillor, a man who has never actually seen the inside of a city bus but has heard many good things about them, justified the huge raise by saying that "...poor people have enough money..." May be not an exact quote but that is the gist of it.

Lauren Fogazzi goes on to quote U of K undergrad Nadia Rehman who makes the valid point that "The fare increase shows the true character of OC Transpo...greedy and deceitful..."

Not to mention public relations wizards.

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414...Almost Liquor Strike Equals No Line Ups

For Canada Day.

At least at the outlets I surveyed.

[Surveyed, I love it when alcoholics, er, I mean, socializers, like moi, use euphemisms for their actions.]

Anyhow, I surveyed a couple or three beer/liquor stands in Ottawa Canada Day Eve and thanks to the panic that the almost strike by the LCBO caused last Tuesday, the line ups were virtually non existent at my stops.

Out of [almost] bad comes [pretty] good.

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413...Happy Birthday Canada

Staggering to our hundredth and manyth birthday, the greatest country in the world [well, we are in the top four for certain] is celebrating a birthday today.

Canada, A Place People Want To Sneak Into.

Ferget Sea to Shining Sea, that should be our motto.

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358...Liquor Stores In Ontario Set To Strike

I live on the border, a 30 minute round trip from the liquor store in La Belle Ville de Gatineau [secteur Hull] so this doesn't really affect me but if you live in the centre of the province and you are friendly with Prince Igor, Jack Daniels and Johnny Walker, you may want to make your way to the Liquor Control Board of Ontario today because tonight, at midnight, they are going to be struck.

The issue, amazingly, is money. More to the point the Union wants less part time, lower paid workers and more full time employees who get more money and more benefits.

If the 6 or 7 thousand workers strike 800 managers will attempt to take up the slack which won't be easy going into this triple holiday [Jean Baptiste, Canada Day, July 4th] period.

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342...Hockey, Champagne And Burritos

I know, it is less than a week before St. Jean Baptiste Day, 30 degrees in the shade and then quickly comes Canada Day and the 4th of July followed by the Glorious 12th and I am writing about hockey.

An' I don't even like hockey.

But I am Canuckistanian and I do like burritos so, here goes.

From thecheapseats.ca comes a piece that states that "...Pittsburgh coach Dan Bylsma had a routine he followed...stopping by his local Qdoba Mexican Grill...for a BBQ pork burrito...Qdoba was smart enough to cash in on the craze to the tune of a 20 percent sales increase...a Facebook page was created...local news crews were covering the coach's ritual. There were even Twitter Tweet-ups, where fans would go watch Bylsma and his burrito in-person."

To keep the mojo going Qdoba had a burrito packed on ice and shipped to Detroit for Game 7.

Lord Stanley subsequently moved back to Pittsburgh.

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27...St. Paddy's Day, tomorrow

Yes, tomorrow is the day, St. Patrick's Day, the Alcoholic Super Bowl and in celebration of that fine fine fine event I am going to have the most Irish Canadian person I know, me, on 93.1 CKCU in the morning from 6 to 7 am.



But wait, there be more. I will also have hangover cures for you all. They are rather lame when one considers the only true hangover cure is to never sober up. Worked for my dad and a series of uncles and aunts and it will work for you! Not the best lifeplan, staying drunk that is, but, on the plus side, you never have to worry about the shakes. For those who are not reprobates you don't want to miss the bunch of lame hangover cures [by lame I mean fascinating medical breakthroughs in the realm of alcohol abuse blah blah and blah] that I have used on air every St. Patrick's Day, Canada Day and New Year's Eve program since the mid seventies.



To ensure that you have a proper hangover to cure I will be chatting with Nat Myles, the proprietor of the coolest bar in town, the ever so hip and retro Elmdale House on Wellington Street in Hintonburg [next to the KFC; across from the GT] about their huge St. Paddy's Day party that will be certain, if you put your heart in it that is, to make your 17th a helluva a day. The music starts at 3 [pm] at the 'dale and goes until, well, late. Very late.



Ironically the name of the band is: Paddy's Hangover. Doesn't that just beat all?

Plus I will play my absolute favourite Irish tune of all time and also that Corrigan Brothers dirge about Obama being O'Irish.

Be sure to listen, and be sure to join me later in the day at the Elmdale House. I will wear my green sombrero with the shamrocks on it to make me easy to pick out of the crowd.



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