A tale of two cities - and of two mayors
Toronto Star
Mon May 16 2011
Page: GT2
Section: Greater Toronto
Byline: Joe Fiorito Toronto Star
Chicago is the U.S. city most like Toronto in terms of size, geography and culture.
I am in my cups.
We elected Rob.
They elected Rahm.
God help us.
Rahm Emanuel takes office Monday; he was the White House chief of staff; after the president, he was always the brightest guy in the Situation Room.
Rob is happiest in a high school locker room.
God help us.
Rahm won the election by promising to clean up a city hampered by patronage and corruption.
Rob won the election by ranting about the gravy train, which conveyance does not seem to exist except in his fevered imagination.
God help us.
Rahm is a little guy with a big brain and a steely heart.
Rob is a big guy with a small brain and a soft heart.
I am wary of the former and frightened by the latter, but if I had to make a choice ...
God help us.
Rahm is the mayor of a city with a first-rate waterfront.
Rob is a mayor who thinks Toronto's waterfront is a frill that we can't afford, although his brother Doug seems to think the waterfront needs a "wow factor." What the hell is a "wow factor?"
God help us.
Rahm's brother, Ari, is one of the most powerful agents in Hollywood; a fictional version of Ari appears on the TV show Entourage.
Rob's brother Doug is a suburban label-maker who does Rob's thinking for him.
God help us.
Rahm's wife has an MBA from Wharton, as well as a master's in art history.
Rob's wife? Nobody I know knows.
God help us.
Chicago is a living urban library of the best architecture in the world.
Toronto got skinned by Daniel Libeskind, the worst architect in the world. Not once, but twice.
Chicago has Frank Gehry's bandshell.
Have we razed Frank Gehry's childhood home yet?
God help us.
Toronto has the second-best film festival in the world.
Chicago has the best film critic in the world, Roger Ebert.
Pick 'em.
Chicago took Saul Bellow from Montreal.
Toronto took Michael Ondaatje from Sri Lanka.
Bellow wrote Dangling Man.
Ondaatje wrote The English Patient.
Who am I to criticize another writer?
Still, I'm betting Rahm has read Bellow, and also Terkel and Algren and Wright.
Just as I am betting that Rob has not read Ondaatje or any other novelist of Toronto.
Rahm likes ballet.
Rob likes bloody men punching each other in the face.
God help him, and us.
Chicago gave Obama to the world.
Toronto gave Stephen Harper to the world.
Obama wants to make the Chicago River clean enough to swim in.
Harper would see Toronto drown.
Chicago gave us Muddy Waters, Bo Diddley, Buddy Guy, Elmore James, Little Walter, Willie Dixon, Charlie Musselwhite, Son Seals and many others.
I get the blues thinking of the late Jeff Healey.
God help us.
Chicago - hog butcher to the nation - has good street food and great Mexican, Polish and German food; also deep-dish pizza. That's not pizza. I forgive them.
Toronto - Hogtown, by its other name - screwed up the notion of good street food: red tape with your bulgogi?
God help us.
Chicago gave America the Chicago Seven.
Toronto gave Canada the Group of Seven.
That helps a bit, but two sevens do not make things even.
However, I'm betting Rahm can name more members of both groups than Rob can.
And if Rob met Rahm, I have a hunch which one would ask for the other's autograph.
God help us.
Finally?
Chicago had Mike Royko.
Mike Royko had the Billy Goat Tavern.
Me? I need a drink right now.
God help us, every one.
WFDS
WFDS
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