1764...Tiger Woods Odds From Backporch

Odds	Disposition	Possible Topics for Friday's Press Conference
1,000/1	Denial Tiger	"I did not have sexual relations with that woman ... or that one ... or that one ... or those three, and certainly not at the same time ... and ... okay, I'll have to get back to you about that one. Could take a while. Elin threw my iPhone into the Gulf of Mexico."
1/2	Good Time Tiger	"I will be taking on Cialis as a sponsor."
3/1	Swoosh Tiger	"You know how Nike's slogan is Just Do It? So is mine. What can I say, I'm a company man."
10,000/1	Movie Mogul Tiger	"I will produce and play the lead role in 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Sausage'. I will star opposite Phil Mickelson. At this point I have nothing to lose."
OFF	Randy Tiger	"Anybody wanna have sex?"
200/1	Recalcitrant Tiger	"After consulting Mark McGwire, I'm here to tell you all that ... I'm not here to talk about the past ... And, whatever I may have done, it did nothing to make me a better golfer."
3/2	Comparison Tiger	"Say what you want about me, but at least I've got better taste than Steve Phillips."
10/1	Lookalike Tiger	"I vehemently deny the National Enquirer report that I cheated in rehab. They didn't let me go to any pancake houses or Perkins, and the porn star and VIP hostess selection is very very limited in Mississippi. So I sent my stunt double."
150/1	Español Tiger	After conferring with Sammy Sosa, I will pretend I don't understand English and let my attorney do all the talking. Also: I will wear this mask while I undergo skin-bleaching treatments. Starting ... now! -- er -- ¡ahora!
1,000/1	Rhetorical Tiger	"What? People back into trees and fire hydrants all the time. Hell, look what Steve Phillips' mistress did!"
4/3	Practical Tiger	"Yes, I've seen the John Wall dance. And yes, Kige Ramsey's version is fantastic. I prefer the ding-a-ling swing."
OFF	Obnoxious Fan Tiger	"GET IN THE HOLE!" [Knocks over lectern, walks off stage. The end.]
EVEN	Sing-Songy Tiger	[Tiger steps to the lectern, clears his throat]: ♫"You may find yourself..."♫