1625...Dya Wanna Fight? Are You 99 Years Old?

Fun times in Archie Bunker's hometown of Queens as reported by the New York Post:

January 25, 2010

Geriatrics slug it out over parking spot

By David Menzies

A tale of two New Yorkers getting into an altercation over a parking spot is about as newsworthy as reporting there’s a lot of cold, salty water in the Atlantic Ocean.

Then there’s the bizarre case of Gersh Gofman and Steve Pulwers – two Big Apple geriatrics that went at it hammer and tong over street parking.

The problem began when Gofman, 83, parked his car in front of the driveway outside of the house belonging to Pulwers, 99.

Pulwers, who lives above a doctor’s office, said he was putting out the trash when the doctor returned from an emergency call. The doc couldn’t get into his driveway and began to honk his horn in an ill-fated attempt to get Gofman to pull ahead. That’s when Pulwers began knocking on Gofman’s window. Apparently, everybody got tired of waiting for Gofman.

“I say, ‘Gentleman, the doctor wants to go into the garage,’ Pulwers told the New York Post. “He did not answer.”

Well, actually, Gofman eventually responded – with his metal steering wheel lock. Junior got out of his car and soundly clubbed Pulwers with The Club.

The near-centenarian was knocked to the ground and pinned. Pulwers said he tried to use his coat to defend himself, but continued to suffer repeated blows.

Who knows what thoughts were running through the head of Pulwers at this moment? Our guess is something along these lines: “I can’t believe this... I’m a Holocaust survivor and I’m just two months away from the century mark and I’m going to buy the farm from some deranged whippersnapper who wants to park illegally.”

Gofman, who hadn’t said a word up to that point, then threatened Pulwers in Russian.

“He said he was going to send somebody to cut off my balls,” Pulwers said.

The doctor called the police and Gofman was arrested. Pulwers was taken to hospital where he was treated for a broken nose and broken ribs.

“He's much younger than me, much stronger. He could be my son,” Pulwers said of Gofman.
Gofman was charged with assault, menacing and harassment, and released without bail. He’s due back in court February 25.

But even in being released, Gofman proved to be a destructive force. Fleeing the news media, Gofman concealed his head, threw his car into reverse, and promptly T-boned an SUV belonging to a TV news crew.

Gofman... you’re a real goof, man.

WFDS