Oh, there is another one. And another million more.
It is weekend two for the Tulip Festival in your capital.
This annual borefest is held at the time of the year when everyone in Ottawa thinks it is summer but it is usually, and by usually I mean always, raining and cold.
The whole purpose of the event is to give seniors in the north east, Quebec and Ontario the opportunity to descend upon the National Capital Region and drive slowly, very slowly, causing traffic jams which, apparently, is their goal in life.
Additionally it provides a pay day for sh*tty Canadian bands that are miles beyond their best before dates such as 54-40 and Trooper.
The reason for this borefest is to honour the Dutch Royal Family who fled to Ottawa during WW2. Unlike the other royals in Europe who either stayed in their homelands or went to England, the Dutchies pulled out a map of the world and found the place that was A/least likely to get invaded and B/had decent food.
First of course the Queen's consort sold a bunch of secrets to the Nazis.
To thank us/torture us, they send tulips every spring and f*ck up the city for two weekends.
WFDS
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